A new start

Hello there, I'm back again. After more than a year of no blogging, I decided to take it up again. Loads has changed since I blogged last time. The last time I blogged, I was unemployed and had pretty much given up on any hope that something positive could ever come out of my life. Now I have a fairly secure job, which allows me to pursue a Masters degree in part-time. I've just finished my first year and will start the second and final year in just a few weeks. Anyways, the direct reason why I have decided to start blogging is because what happened last week. But let's start with some background information. Over the last couple of years, my outlook on life was pretty negative. With everything, I assumed the worst possible outcome. It was a defence mechanism for me. If I assumed the worst, than the final outcome could only be the same or better. I don't particularly enjoy my job. It's boring, tedious, and it's as far from what I want to do as it's possible to imagine. I enjoy my masters course, but if I finish it, where will I go next? I hope to do a PhD, but what if I can't find a PhD place? And worst of all, I was struggling with my faith. God seemed absent in my life. I saw God blessing people around me with good jobs, beautiful spouses and lovely children. It's incredibly frustrating to see other people being blessed so much, but getting nowhere yourself. But last week, I finally got to see God at work in my life again.

Last week, I went to the New Wine Europe conference in Belgium, where I was part of the youth team. The funny thing is, I wasn't planning on going to New Wine at all. My plan was to go to Las Vegas to compete in the Rubik's Cube World Championships. But when New Wine was announced in February, I immediately had the sense that God was telling me that I should go. You know, I'm really not the typical 'New Wine person'. I would call myself a conservative evangelical. I'm reformed in my theology. You know, Sola Scriptura, saved by grace through faith alone, centrality of the Cross, that sort of stuff. Charismatic stuff scares me. I can deal with speaking in tongues, but falling in the Spirit is still something I'm very uncomfortable with. But I felt very clearly that I should go, so I registered and signed up for the youth team. And I'm so glad I did. 

During the conference, so many things happened that proved to me that God is working in me. On the first night, when I was lying in my tent, I suddenly got a pain in my stomach, which got so bad that I decided to go home. By this time, it was around 4 am. I didn't even bother to get dressed. I just grabbed some stuff and walked in a general direction where I thought my car would be. By some kind of miracle I did find the car park where my car was parked. In the car, the pain got so bad that I was screaming out to God to take away the pain. When I finally got home by 5 am, I went straight to bed. I was pretty annoyed that I got ill, because I was due to meet my small group for the first time that day and was looking forward to that. Anyways, I went to bed, still in pain. A few hours, I woke up feeling absolutely fine. I was keen to go back to the conference again but then something happened. I was due to speak the next evening and I had already prepared a talk, when I suddenly got the feeling that God was telling me that my talk wasn't ready yet. Ah... so that's why You needed me to go home! Why didn't you just tell me, instead making me ill. Oh wait, I probably wouldn't have got the hint any other way. Anyways, now I was at home, with my computer and internet access, I was able to adapt my talk, and download a youtube video as an illustration. When I gave my talk the next evening, I thought it was well received. It was definitely better than the talk I had prepared before.  So it was good that God made me to go home to change my talk.

And that's just one of the ways in which God was working. During the conference, I didn't even realise it, but now I see it. It was also great to see God at work in other people as well. It was really great to see my friend, who worked with teenagers for the first time, flourishing and really coming alive when she was working with them. And of course, it was really encouraging to see young people have a real encounter with God and to hear their testimonies about how God had touched them during the week.

I wasn't planning on going, but I'm so glad I did. It was great meeting new people and to see God at work. In a few weeks, I'll be helping out on another youth camp. This time in England and I'm already looking forward to it. After seeing God at work at New Wine, I'm expecting Him to do great things during Quantock 3!