It's been a while when I was last in a hospital as a patient. I believe it was in Brighton just after I came back with a shoulder injury I incurred at a Christian youth camp about 8 years ago. I'm not a big fan of hospitals so when I had to go again today, I wasn't very excited.
For a week now, I've had a painful spot on my back. First it looked like a mosquito bite. It itched and the annoying thing was that it was right there where the top edge of the trousers is. The constant rubbing was very painful. I covered it up to relieve the friction and even bought a pair of sweatpants, so I had something to wear that was more comfortable, and expected it too disappear. It didn't. Instead, yesterday I noticed a red/brown liquid flowing out of it and then I decided it might be good idea to see a doctor about this. I made an appointment using my GP practice's appointments tool on their website, I made an appointment for this morning as early as possible. That way, I could see the GP, get the necessary treatment and head to work for 12 pm. When the GP called me in and saw the spot, he was properly impressed and immediately said this was something that needed to be treated at a hospital and may involve surgery. He cleaned the wound and called the hospital in Veldhoven to ask whether I should go to the A&E or the main hospital. In the end, I was sent to the A&E. The GP warned me that I might have to go under general anaesthetics so I shouldn't eat or drink anything from now on. Great! I haven't had my breakfast yet and now I'm told I can't eat anything. With that, I went back home, made some phone calls to arrange transport, packed a bag with a change of clothes in case I needed to stay overnight and made my way to the A&E of Maxima Medical Centre in Veldhoven, a 10 minute bus ride my where I live.
When I arrived at the hospital, I checked in, was given a wristband with my name and date of birth on it - I almost felt like I was at a festival, - and took my place in the waiting room. First I was called my a nurse, who took my temperature, bloodpressure and heartbeat and asked me to explain why I was here. Then an A&E doctor came in and asked me what happened and asked me to show the wound. He looked at it, and poked at it, like doctors usually do. He took a picture of it and went of to show it to a colleague. When he came back, he showed me the photo he took. It was the first time I saw the wound. It didn't look pretty. It looked like an open crater with lots of nasty stuff in it. No surprise that it didn't feel good. Anyways, he explained that it was a pressure ulcer which has gone open and the infection has started to spread. He said they needed to make an echo to determine how deep the infection has spread and whether it could be treated with a course of antibiotics or whether it needed surgical treatment. I was brought to the radiology department where I was welcomed by two, I have to say, very attractive young ladies. The asked me what happened and then the radiologist came in and did his thing, of course after he asked me what happened. Come on! to how many people to I have to explain what happened? After the echo, I was escorted back to the A&E by another nurse, who of course asked me what happened. Back in room 3 of A&E, I was now waiting for the results of the echo. That took quite a while but in the end, a different doctor came in and I had to tell the whole story again. He too, asked me to show the wound and started poking at it. He was poking it considerably harder than the first doctor and he was actually hurting me. Then he said he was going to get some stuff and off he went. A few minutes later, he came back with a bowl, a surgical drape and other scary looking stuff, and I thought "oh no, this is going to hurt". He said he was going to cut away the infected tissue. I asked him whether would get any anaesthetics, but he said that wasn't needed as the wound was already open it was all dead tissue anyways. Okay, whatever. I didn't like it but he says it. He did spray for cooling spray on it, to numb the skin and started to cut away the stuff. The scariest thing about this is not that you don't know what's happening. The pain wasn't too bad, but I was actually not focused on the pain at the moment, but more preparing my self for the pain that might be coming. At one point he told me to take a deep breath. So, I took a deep breath and braced myself for what I expected to be the worst pain I will have in a very long time. That didn't come and then he said he was done. He explained that the wound would be cleaned and an absorbing bandage would be put on it and off he went. Quite a while later, another nurse came in and I had to tell the whole story again. He was the one cleaning the wound, put the bandage on and sent me off home again.
Before I went home, I was given instructions to clean the wound twice a day by rinsing it with a showerhead. That's what I just did and it's actually the most painful of the treatment. The sticking plaster they used is so sticky that it almost felt like I was ripping my skin off to get it off. It flippin hurts! Anyways, tomorrow I might try taking it off after wetting it first so it comes off easier. I rinsed the wound as directed and prepared the bandage. However, as the wound is on my back and I can't see it directly, getting the bandage in the right is a challenge. But God be praised that we live in a time where we have smartphones with cameras with selfie mode so I could see what I was doing. So with my smartphone in one hand and the bandage in the other, I tried to put the bandage on as well as I could. Knowing how much it hurts to take it off, I wanted to make really sure that I would accidentally put the sticking plaster over the wound itself. I hope I didn't and it doesn't look like I did, judging the picture I took from it. So, that was my morning at the hospital. Until next time.....
Friday, 14 July 2017
Thursday, 23 March 2017
Next steps with OM
Today was kind of a big day for me. I had my second interview with OM Netherlands since I returned from Florence 3 months ago now, to talk about serving for a longer term with OM. While I was in Florence, I felt God's call to serve Him on the Logos Hope, and contacted OM Netherlands to talk about my options.
During my first interview December last year, we talked about my experiences in Florence, and the way it helped me to grow as a Christian. From there, we set the whole process in motion, and now I'm here. Before I share the outcome of today's interview, let's go back one month. As part of the application process, all candidates for long term missions are required to do a psychological assessment, and I had to do mine last month. The recommendation from that assessment was that although I had grown spiritually and emotionally during the last year and during my time in Florence, she believed that the Logos Hope may not be the right place for me and that a land based mission field would be more suitable. I would struggle to cope with the lack of privacy and board the ship, and living with 400+ people in a limited space would be very challenging for an introvert like I am. She believed a mission field on land with a strong supportive community would be more appropriate. Secretly, I was relieved to hear this, as these were the very reasons that I was initially unwilling to serve on the Logos Hope. I was also happy to hear that unlike last time, she saw the potential for me to go into the mission field. Secretly, I was hoping that maybe this time OM Lifehope would be back on the map again, or maybe even a return to Florence in some capacity. I had an amazing time there and I would love to serve there for a longer period. So with these things in mind, I went to the interview at the OM Netherlands HQ in Emmeloord.
It was my first time at the HQ. My previous interviews had been in their second office, first in Amersfoort and the last one in Hilversum. A nice touch this time was that I was welcomed with a personal message on the electronic notice board. The interview was with my long term contact and someone from OM's member care team, who will be my OM Netherlands support person while I'm in the field. We talked about my application, the references people have given about me and the psychological assessment. Where I was secretly hoping that the ship was off the radar now and hoping to be sent to either OM Lifehope or back to Florence, that was not what they had in mind for me. I would have loved to go back to Florence, but this would of course be a soft option. It would be too comfortable to go back to a place where I already know the people, have made friends and where I'm not required to really engage in frontline mission. In Florence, I would likely be in a supporting role, something that I'm quite happy to do and am quite comfortable with. But comfortable is rarely what we need to grow, and God's plan for my life is obviously not for me to hang around in my comfort zone, but to be challenged and learn and grow. Well, I guess OM Netherlands have found something that will really challenge me.
First, the ship is still very much on the radar and the idea is that I will eventually end up on the ship. But OM also believes that it would be good for me to receive some extra training in preparation for my time in board. So there proposal for me to consider and pray about is that before boarding the Logos Hope I would participate in OM South Africa's Mission Discipleship Training (MDT) for 5.5 months, before joining the Logos Hope for 18 months. The MDT is a programme specifically designed to train, prepare and equip people for the mission field. It involves living in a cross-cultural community, theological training, practical work and outreaches. I've read the information about the programme and the first impression I got was: Flipping heck! This is intensive! Compared to Florence, the regime at the MDT is much stricter. In Florence, I was relatively free in what I could do in my free time, of course within reasonable limits and as long as I didn't do anything that would put OM and its witness in a bad light. I could go to whatever church I wanted to go to, I was free to leave Florence and visit other places if I wanted to, etc. In South Africa, I don't think that will be the case. It seems to be very disciplined there. I won't be allowed to leave the base on my own. I only have 4 weekends off during my time there and one week's holiday. There are fairly strict dress codes for outreaches and church visits and of course OM's social policy is strictly enforced. I know these rules are there to keep me safe and to help me focus on being a missionary, but it all sounds a bit overwhelming to me. But then, these are common rules in the mission field and the rules on board the Logos Hope are not much less strict, probably even stricter than at the MDT.
So, there you have it. It's a lot to think and pray about. Do I really want this? It would mean giving up my comfortable life as I know it and exchange it for at least 2 years in the mission field, without having a place to come back to. I could easily carry on with my life here in Eindhoven, staying at my church and at my job and if I decided to do that, I believe God can use me here as well, but it wouldn't really challenge me. Moving to South Africa and taking part in the MDT will take me way out of my comfort zone and will really challenge me in many aspects. And although I will give it some time, in my heart I have already made a decision and it is still the same as when I felt God's call to the Logos Hope. As long as God keeps on opening doors for me, I will walk through them until I come to a closed door. So, as it stands now, I will go and face the challenge. We've agreed that a September start would be too early in terms of raising support and preparations, so we decided that if I decide to do this and if I'm accepted, I will start in February 2018 with the MDT in South Africa and board the Logos Hope with the September 2018 intake. As always, I would greatly appreciate your prayers in this time of discernment.
During my first interview December last year, we talked about my experiences in Florence, and the way it helped me to grow as a Christian. From there, we set the whole process in motion, and now I'm here. Before I share the outcome of today's interview, let's go back one month. As part of the application process, all candidates for long term missions are required to do a psychological assessment, and I had to do mine last month. The recommendation from that assessment was that although I had grown spiritually and emotionally during the last year and during my time in Florence, she believed that the Logos Hope may not be the right place for me and that a land based mission field would be more suitable. I would struggle to cope with the lack of privacy and board the ship, and living with 400+ people in a limited space would be very challenging for an introvert like I am. She believed a mission field on land with a strong supportive community would be more appropriate. Secretly, I was relieved to hear this, as these were the very reasons that I was initially unwilling to serve on the Logos Hope. I was also happy to hear that unlike last time, she saw the potential for me to go into the mission field. Secretly, I was hoping that maybe this time OM Lifehope would be back on the map again, or maybe even a return to Florence in some capacity. I had an amazing time there and I would love to serve there for a longer period. So with these things in mind, I went to the interview at the OM Netherlands HQ in Emmeloord.
It was my first time at the HQ. My previous interviews had been in their second office, first in Amersfoort and the last one in Hilversum. A nice touch this time was that I was welcomed with a personal message on the electronic notice board. The interview was with my long term contact and someone from OM's member care team, who will be my OM Netherlands support person while I'm in the field. We talked about my application, the references people have given about me and the psychological assessment. Where I was secretly hoping that the ship was off the radar now and hoping to be sent to either OM Lifehope or back to Florence, that was not what they had in mind for me. I would have loved to go back to Florence, but this would of course be a soft option. It would be too comfortable to go back to a place where I already know the people, have made friends and where I'm not required to really engage in frontline mission. In Florence, I would likely be in a supporting role, something that I'm quite happy to do and am quite comfortable with. But comfortable is rarely what we need to grow, and God's plan for my life is obviously not for me to hang around in my comfort zone, but to be challenged and learn and grow. Well, I guess OM Netherlands have found something that will really challenge me.
First, the ship is still very much on the radar and the idea is that I will eventually end up on the ship. But OM also believes that it would be good for me to receive some extra training in preparation for my time in board. So there proposal for me to consider and pray about is that before boarding the Logos Hope I would participate in OM South Africa's Mission Discipleship Training (MDT) for 5.5 months, before joining the Logos Hope for 18 months. The MDT is a programme specifically designed to train, prepare and equip people for the mission field. It involves living in a cross-cultural community, theological training, practical work and outreaches. I've read the information about the programme and the first impression I got was: Flipping heck! This is intensive! Compared to Florence, the regime at the MDT is much stricter. In Florence, I was relatively free in what I could do in my free time, of course within reasonable limits and as long as I didn't do anything that would put OM and its witness in a bad light. I could go to whatever church I wanted to go to, I was free to leave Florence and visit other places if I wanted to, etc. In South Africa, I don't think that will be the case. It seems to be very disciplined there. I won't be allowed to leave the base on my own. I only have 4 weekends off during my time there and one week's holiday. There are fairly strict dress codes for outreaches and church visits and of course OM's social policy is strictly enforced. I know these rules are there to keep me safe and to help me focus on being a missionary, but it all sounds a bit overwhelming to me. But then, these are common rules in the mission field and the rules on board the Logos Hope are not much less strict, probably even stricter than at the MDT.
So, there you have it. It's a lot to think and pray about. Do I really want this? It would mean giving up my comfortable life as I know it and exchange it for at least 2 years in the mission field, without having a place to come back to. I could easily carry on with my life here in Eindhoven, staying at my church and at my job and if I decided to do that, I believe God can use me here as well, but it wouldn't really challenge me. Moving to South Africa and taking part in the MDT will take me way out of my comfort zone and will really challenge me in many aspects. And although I will give it some time, in my heart I have already made a decision and it is still the same as when I felt God's call to the Logos Hope. As long as God keeps on opening doors for me, I will walk through them until I come to a closed door. So, as it stands now, I will go and face the challenge. We've agreed that a September start would be too early in terms of raising support and preparations, so we decided that if I decide to do this and if I'm accepted, I will start in February 2018 with the MDT in South Africa and board the Logos Hope with the September 2018 intake. As always, I would greatly appreciate your prayers in this time of discernment.
Monday, 27 February 2017
Prayer answered..... but maybe not in the way I expected.
I always thought that if only I would have a meaningful job, which makes a real difference to people's lives, then I would be happy. For years, I have been praying for such a job. And of course, I had my own ideas about what such a job would involve. I hoped that such a job would involve some pastoral work, listening to people and encouraging them with biblical counselling. Teaching the Bible to young people and discipling them. I was hoping to become a youth leader, worship leader, small group leader, school teacher. I thought it would involve writing edifying articles in Christian magazines and writing Bible studies that would appear in devotionals. I applied for jobs with the civil service in both The Netherlands and the UK. That was what I had in mind when I was praying for that meaningful job that would make a real difference to people's lives.
Well.... since 2 weeks, I have a job. And I have to say, it's the most boring and repetitive job I've had since my holiday job in a powder coating facility, where I spent all day hanging up metal frames on a hook. But, boring and repetitive as it is, there's really no denying that it is a meaningful job and it does make a difference to people's lives. I work for a central pharmacy and my main job is to stick prescription labels on medication. That means that it's very important that I stick the correct label on the correct medication. I don't even want to think about what could happen if the wrong label gets stuck on the wrong medicines. People could get seriously ill, or even die as a result. And through the barcodes on the label, it's very easy to find out who's fault it was. So yeah, I finally have the meaningful job I wanted so badly. It's just not quite what I expected though. Who says God doesn't have a sense humour?
Well.... since 2 weeks, I have a job. And I have to say, it's the most boring and repetitive job I've had since my holiday job in a powder coating facility, where I spent all day hanging up metal frames on a hook. But, boring and repetitive as it is, there's really no denying that it is a meaningful job and it does make a difference to people's lives. I work for a central pharmacy and my main job is to stick prescription labels on medication. That means that it's very important that I stick the correct label on the correct medication. I don't even want to think about what could happen if the wrong label gets stuck on the wrong medicines. People could get seriously ill, or even die as a result. And through the barcodes on the label, it's very easy to find out who's fault it was. So yeah, I finally have the meaningful job I wanted so badly. It's just not quite what I expected though. Who says God doesn't have a sense humour?
Monday, 2 January 2017
What do I really want?
When I posted my last blogpost, I received a lot of comments on it. One of the comments came from my vicar and said: "When
winds blow against us or don't blow when we need them its time to hear
Jesus ask: 'What do YOU (really) want?' and to set your face to that." It's a similar question to one I was asked before by one of my work colleagues at my old job. What is my dream job? What, if I'm not hindered by anything whether it's my financial situation, my lack of ability, giftings, talents, age, education, training or anything else, what job or sort of job would be my ideal? It's a question I never really dared to answer, when I've been asked. The main reason for this is because I'm always afraid that people will laugh will me or don't take it seriously: 'Seriously? That will never happen. That's way beyond your ability, You're too shy, you're socially not able enough, forget it'. I'm scared to share my dreams with other people, because I'm afraid to be rejected.
But now a new year has started, I think it's a good time to start again. Now, I want to take the challenge head on and answer the question, what do I really want. What is my dream job, or if there's no job title for it, what would my ideal job involve? The general answer is that I want to make a real and positive difference in people's lives.
My dream job, and I say again that this is regardless of what I can or can't do in terms of ability, training, skills, etc, would be a combination of pastoral care, discipling and teaching. I have always wanted to work with small groups of people, helping them to grow in their relationship with God. I've always wanted to be the sort of person people turn to if they need someone to talk to, or just someone who listens to them and just be there for them. I want to teach the Bible to people. I want to encourage people to live for Christ, to be involved in the church. So, I guess it comes down to that my dream job is to be a some sort of pastor. I don't really have the ambition to be a lead pastor, but I would be very happy in an assisting role, like a youth pastor, worship pastor or something similar to that. Any role that will give me the opportunity to get alongside people, disciple them, help them grow as Christians and teach God's Word. So, there you have it. That is what I really want.
But now a new year has started, I think it's a good time to start again. Now, I want to take the challenge head on and answer the question, what do I really want. What is my dream job, or if there's no job title for it, what would my ideal job involve? The general answer is that I want to make a real and positive difference in people's lives.
My dream job, and I say again that this is regardless of what I can or can't do in terms of ability, training, skills, etc, would be a combination of pastoral care, discipling and teaching. I have always wanted to work with small groups of people, helping them to grow in their relationship with God. I've always wanted to be the sort of person people turn to if they need someone to talk to, or just someone who listens to them and just be there for them. I want to teach the Bible to people. I want to encourage people to live for Christ, to be involved in the church. So, I guess it comes down to that my dream job is to be a some sort of pastor. I don't really have the ambition to be a lead pastor, but I would be very happy in an assisting role, like a youth pastor, worship pastor or something similar to that. Any role that will give me the opportunity to get alongside people, disciple them, help them grow as Christians and teach God's Word. So, there you have it. That is what I really want.
Thursday, 22 December 2016
When reality kicks in...
Two weeks ago I returned from my 3 month stint with OM Ships in Florence, USA. I had an amazing time, learned loads about serving and mission, made friends for life and had the opportunity to do and experience things I wouldn't have if I hadn't gone there. But as time moves on and Florence is feels more and more like a distant memory, doubts start to rise within me.
Ever since I came back from Florence, my priority has been on finding a job as soon as possible. So far, I've applied for 8 different jobs and have been rejected for 7. I applied for number 8 this afternoon, so I'm waiting to hear back from them. My fear is that the longer it takes to find a job, the more difficult it will become, and as my money is slowly but steadily running out, I'm afraid that I will end up in the same situation as a few years ago, when I couldn't pay my bills anymore, stopped answering phone calls because I knew they were from debt collectors trying to get their money, when I was a bitter person who felt sorry for himself and was convinced that the whole world was scheming against me, when I actually believed that God didn't care about me; that my prayers ended up on a pile labelled: 'stuff I'll get to when I have nothing else to do', when my only sources of happiness were food and pornography. With God's help and with help of great friends, I've come a long way since then and I'm desperate not to become that person again. But there's a real fear that that may happen.
When I decided to come to Florence, I had to give up my job without a guarantee that I would get it back when I returned. Now I'm back, it turns out that there is no place for me anymore. And as the weeks go by and rejections continue coming in, I start to wonder whether it was a mistake to leave a secure and well paid job to volunteer with OM Ships Florence. At the time it felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt trapped in my job, which although secure and well paid, didn't get my anywhere and I felt that I would probably be trapped in that job for the rest of my life. From April 2015 when I first got in touch with OM in The Netherlands, I felt that I was finally on to something. When a few months later, I decided to accept the offer to serve in Florence, everything went so smoothly. During one of my devotion times, when I was praying for God's guidance, He gave me what I believed to be a clear sign to go. This was further confirmed by, when I informed my church and others about it, everybody was really positive and encouraging about it, and financial support from the most surprising places came flooding in. I was really convinced that OM Ships Florence was the place where God wanted me to go. I guess one of the mistakes I've made is that instead of letting God do his work, I started to project my own ideas on what His plans might be. Why is sending me all the way to the US? I knew the work I was going to do there wasn't going to be very exciting, so it can't be that. One of the things I was hoping for that perhaps I would meet my future wife there. I know this is just silly, as OM's Social Policy doesn't even allow me to start a romantic relationship while I'm in my first year of service with them, but hey, I could still be friends with them and maybe after I go back to The Netherlands, we can keep in touch, develop our friendship further and maybe it will lead to something more special. And I have to admit that I have met one lovely godly young woman that I would love to develop a deeper friendship with, in the hope that a romantic relationship would be possible, but I didn't get any signs that this was mutual. OK, maybe that was because I didn't really made it obvious that she had my attention. Also, I'm very bad at reading these sort of signs. I know, I'm still a wuss when it comes to that. I was so afraid that she would freak out so I thought it would be safer not to let her know. But okay, I'm getting off track now.
Anyways, what did happen during my time in Florence was that I felt a strong calling to the ship, the Logos Hope. This was surprising as the ship was just about the only OM field I didn't want to go to. I didn't like the idea of living in a limited space with 400 others, with nowhere to go when you need some time out, for 2 years. But as I was working in a place that is all about the ship, and working with people who have served on the ship, I felt God was changing my heart and made me willing to join the ship. Earlier this week, I had a good chat with my OM Netherlands contacts and we are now getting the process started that will hopefully lead me to the ship either in September 2017 or February 2018. But that is still 9 months away from now and I need to get a job to pay my bills. And the longer it takes to get a job, I fear that I will fall back in bad and destructive habits of eating too much and watching porn again. I know that the only thing I can do to prevent this is to stay close to God. One thing that I have learned during my previous time of unemployment, and my struggles with pornography and other sinful behaviour was that I had to turn to God to deal with my sins. I have always felt that I had to deal with my sins first, before I was good enough to turn to God, but now I've learned that without God, I didn't have a hope in the world to deal with my sins. And now, more than ever, I need to stay close to God, if I don't want to fall back into that lifestyle again. Florence was a great time. I came home feeling positive about my chances on the job market. I was excited to work towards going on the ship. I feel spiritually energised and I feel I've grown in my faith and relationship with God. I'm much more intentional about my relationship with God, and enjoy spending time with Him. But through all this, I feel the need to work, to do something useful and to earn my living. God created us for work. Work is a blessing of creation (if you don't believe me, go and read the creation account in Genesis and you'll see that God told Adam to work, and that was before the fall). So sitting at home looking for work gives me a feeling of emptiness. So my prayer is that God will open up doors for me to work. Will you pray with me?
Ever since I came back from Florence, my priority has been on finding a job as soon as possible. So far, I've applied for 8 different jobs and have been rejected for 7. I applied for number 8 this afternoon, so I'm waiting to hear back from them. My fear is that the longer it takes to find a job, the more difficult it will become, and as my money is slowly but steadily running out, I'm afraid that I will end up in the same situation as a few years ago, when I couldn't pay my bills anymore, stopped answering phone calls because I knew they were from debt collectors trying to get their money, when I was a bitter person who felt sorry for himself and was convinced that the whole world was scheming against me, when I actually believed that God didn't care about me; that my prayers ended up on a pile labelled: 'stuff I'll get to when I have nothing else to do', when my only sources of happiness were food and pornography. With God's help and with help of great friends, I've come a long way since then and I'm desperate not to become that person again. But there's a real fear that that may happen.
When I decided to come to Florence, I had to give up my job without a guarantee that I would get it back when I returned. Now I'm back, it turns out that there is no place for me anymore. And as the weeks go by and rejections continue coming in, I start to wonder whether it was a mistake to leave a secure and well paid job to volunteer with OM Ships Florence. At the time it felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt trapped in my job, which although secure and well paid, didn't get my anywhere and I felt that I would probably be trapped in that job for the rest of my life. From April 2015 when I first got in touch with OM in The Netherlands, I felt that I was finally on to something. When a few months later, I decided to accept the offer to serve in Florence, everything went so smoothly. During one of my devotion times, when I was praying for God's guidance, He gave me what I believed to be a clear sign to go. This was further confirmed by, when I informed my church and others about it, everybody was really positive and encouraging about it, and financial support from the most surprising places came flooding in. I was really convinced that OM Ships Florence was the place where God wanted me to go. I guess one of the mistakes I've made is that instead of letting God do his work, I started to project my own ideas on what His plans might be. Why is sending me all the way to the US? I knew the work I was going to do there wasn't going to be very exciting, so it can't be that. One of the things I was hoping for that perhaps I would meet my future wife there. I know this is just silly, as OM's Social Policy doesn't even allow me to start a romantic relationship while I'm in my first year of service with them, but hey, I could still be friends with them and maybe after I go back to The Netherlands, we can keep in touch, develop our friendship further and maybe it will lead to something more special. And I have to admit that I have met one lovely godly young woman that I would love to develop a deeper friendship with, in the hope that a romantic relationship would be possible, but I didn't get any signs that this was mutual. OK, maybe that was because I didn't really made it obvious that she had my attention. Also, I'm very bad at reading these sort of signs. I know, I'm still a wuss when it comes to that. I was so afraid that she would freak out so I thought it would be safer not to let her know. But okay, I'm getting off track now.
Anyways, what did happen during my time in Florence was that I felt a strong calling to the ship, the Logos Hope. This was surprising as the ship was just about the only OM field I didn't want to go to. I didn't like the idea of living in a limited space with 400 others, with nowhere to go when you need some time out, for 2 years. But as I was working in a place that is all about the ship, and working with people who have served on the ship, I felt God was changing my heart and made me willing to join the ship. Earlier this week, I had a good chat with my OM Netherlands contacts and we are now getting the process started that will hopefully lead me to the ship either in September 2017 or February 2018. But that is still 9 months away from now and I need to get a job to pay my bills. And the longer it takes to get a job, I fear that I will fall back in bad and destructive habits of eating too much and watching porn again. I know that the only thing I can do to prevent this is to stay close to God. One thing that I have learned during my previous time of unemployment, and my struggles with pornography and other sinful behaviour was that I had to turn to God to deal with my sins. I have always felt that I had to deal with my sins first, before I was good enough to turn to God, but now I've learned that without God, I didn't have a hope in the world to deal with my sins. And now, more than ever, I need to stay close to God, if I don't want to fall back into that lifestyle again. Florence was a great time. I came home feeling positive about my chances on the job market. I was excited to work towards going on the ship. I feel spiritually energised and I feel I've grown in my faith and relationship with God. I'm much more intentional about my relationship with God, and enjoy spending time with Him. But through all this, I feel the need to work, to do something useful and to earn my living. God created us for work. Work is a blessing of creation (if you don't believe me, go and read the creation account in Genesis and you'll see that God told Adam to work, and that was before the fall). So sitting at home looking for work gives me a feeling of emptiness. So my prayer is that God will open up doors for me to work. Will you pray with me?
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
The halfway mark - Looking ahead
As I've now passed the halfway mark of my time with OM Ships in Florence, it's time to look ahead beyond 5 December, when I will leave Florence to return to Eindhoven again. For a couple of weeks now, I've been thinking and praying about my future. Before I came here, I had a very strong sense that God wanted me to go to Florence and serve with OM Ships here. I also feel that serving here with OM Ships is just one step in God's plan for me and that there is more to come. But why? Why did God sent me this small city with 37000 people on the other side of the Atlantic to sort, pack and box books, and to teach English for 3 months? Why did He close the door to the UK? I was very excited about serving with OM Lifehope. The work I would have been doing there certainly sounded much more exciting than Florence.
As I've been thinking and praying about this, I was reminded of my first interview at a small office in Amersfoort with two people from OM. One of the questions they asked me was if I had a specific field in mind. My response was something like: Not really, I'm happy to go where you think I could be useful. The only place I do not want to go is the ship. I'm a very private person and need my own space. Spending two years or even just 3 months with 400 others in a limited space and having to share a cabin with 3 others was something that did not appeal to me at all, despite the amazing stories I've heard about serving on the Logos Hope. Absolutely no way!
Well, after my plans to serve with OM Lifehope fell through, OM Netherlands sent an e-mail around asking whether anyone would like to have me serving with them. As far as I know, OM Ships Florence were the only one who responded positively and after God made it abundantly clear to me that I should go there, I reluctanty accepted the offer and now I'm here. I think you can probably guess by now where I'm going, right? Could it be that the reason God closed the door to OM Lifehope and made sure the only place that would have me was OM Ships Florence, was to put me in a place where I am surrounded by people who have served on the ship so I could hear their stories and their experiences, in order to change my heart and bring me to the one place I did not want to go? The Logos Hope?
The only way to find out, as I've learned from how I got here, is to make the first step. So when I get back home, I will contact OM Netherlands again to talk about my options of serving with the ship. Being 38 years old now, I'm at the upper end of the age range to be considered for a 2 year commitment, so perhaps this is the time for me to go. Who knows? I will continue praying for it. Will you pray with me?
As I've been thinking and praying about this, I was reminded of my first interview at a small office in Amersfoort with two people from OM. One of the questions they asked me was if I had a specific field in mind. My response was something like: Not really, I'm happy to go where you think I could be useful. The only place I do not want to go is the ship. I'm a very private person and need my own space. Spending two years or even just 3 months with 400 others in a limited space and having to share a cabin with 3 others was something that did not appeal to me at all, despite the amazing stories I've heard about serving on the Logos Hope. Absolutely no way!
Well, after my plans to serve with OM Lifehope fell through, OM Netherlands sent an e-mail around asking whether anyone would like to have me serving with them. As far as I know, OM Ships Florence were the only one who responded positively and after God made it abundantly clear to me that I should go there, I reluctanty accepted the offer and now I'm here. I think you can probably guess by now where I'm going, right? Could it be that the reason God closed the door to OM Lifehope and made sure the only place that would have me was OM Ships Florence, was to put me in a place where I am surrounded by people who have served on the ship so I could hear their stories and their experiences, in order to change my heart and bring me to the one place I did not want to go? The Logos Hope?
The only way to find out, as I've learned from how I got here, is to make the first step. So when I get back home, I will contact OM Netherlands again to talk about my options of serving with the ship. Being 38 years old now, I'm at the upper end of the age range to be considered for a 2 year commitment, so perhaps this is the time for me to go. Who knows? I will continue praying for it. Will you pray with me?
Thursday, 13 October 2016
Hurricane Matthew and Go Cocks!
Last week hurricane Matthew honoured the south east of the US with a visit and it made sure its visit did not go unnoticed. Matthew arrived in South Carolina early Saturday morning. The first thing I noticed about the hurricane was on Friday evening. A few of us planned to drive to Columbia that evening to spend the weekend there to see the University of South Carolina Gamecocks Football team play the University of Georgia Bulldogs. Two friends from our Thursday evening bible study kindly treated us to this weekend. Unfortunately, as the weather worsened, we decided to call the weekend off and see if we could go to Columbia on Sunday for the match. Instead of driving to Columbia, we were invited to our friend's parents' house for an evening of games. Early Saturday morning, the internet stopped working and our carpark was flooded. By Saturday afternoon, the electricity went down. In the US, more so than in Europe, there is not much you can do without electricity. There was a plan for a movie night at the OM office, but as there was no electricity, we had to come up with other plans. That's how we ended up at one of the OM staff members' flat with whatever food we had managed to prepare before the power went down. We had a lovely evening. One of the positive things that often happens in crisis situations is that it brings people together. It has something special to spend the evening together with no other light source than a few battery powered torches. As most of the churches we usually go to had cancelled their services this Sunday, we had a plan to meet up at the OM office to have a time of worship, reading the Bible and prayer. And in case the small congregation that normally meets at the OM office on Sundays, we would join them.
Sunday turned out to be a beautiful day weather wise. At 9.30 we gathered at the OM office where the Community Bible Fellowship happened to be meeting, so we joined them for their service. Apart from the OM'ers, there were 2 members of their congregation present, one of whom is also an OM'er. I have to say that I really enjoyed that service. I'm used to church services with 150-200 people with band led worship and to be in a small meeting room with just 15 people was kind of special. Instead of singing the latest worship songs projected on a screen, we sang hymns from a hymn book. It was refreshing and enriching to sing these theologically rich songs that have been written centuries ago. It was encouraging to share Bible verses with each other. It was just really good to have this kind of fellowship with each other.
As the weather was good, we were picked up by our friend to go to Columbia for the football game. Now, if you have never been to a Football game in the US, I can tell it's a happening. Even though it was a college match and not NFL, it beats the hell out of most top tier football matches in Europe. Even though the players are amateurs and students at their universities, they are treated with the same celebrity treatment as Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. The 80,000 seater stadium was fully sold out. The only reason there were empty places was that the game, which was originally scheduled for Saturday was rescheduled to Sunday due to hurricane Matthew and not everybody was able to make it on Sunday. The pre-game entertainment is as extravagant as you can imagine. A marching band is marching from a nearby field to the stadium and pretty much fills up a complete section. This visiting team comes with multiple buses with players, coaching staff, medical staff and even their cheerleaders. I would almost say these college teams work with budgets top tier Dutch professional football teams can only dream of. Anyways, the match. I don't know much about American Football. It's something to do with downs and offence and defence. Touchdowns, and that sort of things. Usually when I go somewhere there is some minor thing I forget to bring, which would prove to be very important later on. This time it was either sunglasses or a hat. As the sun was shining pretty much straight into my face, I saw hardly anything of the game. As I didn't understand much of the game anyways, that wasn't really a problem. The experience itself made it all worth it. In the end, Georgia won the game.
After the game, it was time to find a place to eat. We decided on a Japanese steakhouse. The first steakhouse we went to was fully booked with a waiting time of an hour, so we went to the next one. Here, we were promptly seated around a cooking station and ordered our drinks and food. I went for the filet mignon and chicken combination plate, including soup, shrimp appetiser, fried rice, veggies and a sherbet dessert. To increase the entertainment value, our friend told the chef at our table that one of the girls in our group had her birthday that day. Although she tried to convince the chef otherwise, she soon gave up and just enjoyed the experience. It was a great and fun meal. The chef did a great job entertaining us and the food was delicious.
Throughout the day, we kept in touch with Florence for updates on the situation there. We were told that if the electricity was not restored by Monday morning, we couldn't go to work. As we still had our hotel booking, we decided to check in and spend the night there. If the electricity was still down the next day, we would spend the day in Columbia as we planned to do on Saturday. If it was back up again, we would drive back to Florence the next day and go to work as usual. Our friend brought some games, so once we checked in to our room, it was time for a game of Catan. It was a hard fought game and we had loads of fun playing it. By the time we finished the game, it had gone past midnight. At this time, we received news from Florence. The electricity was back up again at the OM Ministry Centre, which meant we had to go to work the next day. At this point, we briefly considered to check out and drive back to Florence again, but soon decided to stay and leave early next morning. We went to bed, the girls in the bedroom and the guys in the living room on the couch and the floor, slightly disappointed as we were looking forward to spending the day in Columbia. The next morning, we woke up at 6.20, had breakfast and were ready to head to Florence by 7 am. Before we left, I made a quick phone call to make a final check, and a last hope of being able to stay in Columbia. It confirmed that the power had indeed been restored in our part of Florence and with that knowledge, we headed back to Florence for just another day at work.
This Sunday in Columbia was probably the best day I had so far. It was not just the football game, but it was a great time together and we had the chance to get to know each other better. Although we had great days out in the weeks before, this was the first time we had the chance to sit down around a table, playing games and eating together and talk with each other. I really feel I made new friends this day and we are already planning future trips. I'm looking forward to them already!
Sunday turned out to be a beautiful day weather wise. At 9.30 we gathered at the OM office where the Community Bible Fellowship happened to be meeting, so we joined them for their service. Apart from the OM'ers, there were 2 members of their congregation present, one of whom is also an OM'er. I have to say that I really enjoyed that service. I'm used to church services with 150-200 people with band led worship and to be in a small meeting room with just 15 people was kind of special. Instead of singing the latest worship songs projected on a screen, we sang hymns from a hymn book. It was refreshing and enriching to sing these theologically rich songs that have been written centuries ago. It was encouraging to share Bible verses with each other. It was just really good to have this kind of fellowship with each other.
As the weather was good, we were picked up by our friend to go to Columbia for the football game. Now, if you have never been to a Football game in the US, I can tell it's a happening. Even though it was a college match and not NFL, it beats the hell out of most top tier football matches in Europe. Even though the players are amateurs and students at their universities, they are treated with the same celebrity treatment as Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. The 80,000 seater stadium was fully sold out. The only reason there were empty places was that the game, which was originally scheduled for Saturday was rescheduled to Sunday due to hurricane Matthew and not everybody was able to make it on Sunday. The pre-game entertainment is as extravagant as you can imagine. A marching band is marching from a nearby field to the stadium and pretty much fills up a complete section. This visiting team comes with multiple buses with players, coaching staff, medical staff and even their cheerleaders. I would almost say these college teams work with budgets top tier Dutch professional football teams can only dream of. Anyways, the match. I don't know much about American Football. It's something to do with downs and offence and defence. Touchdowns, and that sort of things. Usually when I go somewhere there is some minor thing I forget to bring, which would prove to be very important later on. This time it was either sunglasses or a hat. As the sun was shining pretty much straight into my face, I saw hardly anything of the game. As I didn't understand much of the game anyways, that wasn't really a problem. The experience itself made it all worth it. In the end, Georgia won the game.
After the game, it was time to find a place to eat. We decided on a Japanese steakhouse. The first steakhouse we went to was fully booked with a waiting time of an hour, so we went to the next one. Here, we were promptly seated around a cooking station and ordered our drinks and food. I went for the filet mignon and chicken combination plate, including soup, shrimp appetiser, fried rice, veggies and a sherbet dessert. To increase the entertainment value, our friend told the chef at our table that one of the girls in our group had her birthday that day. Although she tried to convince the chef otherwise, she soon gave up and just enjoyed the experience. It was a great and fun meal. The chef did a great job entertaining us and the food was delicious.
Throughout the day, we kept in touch with Florence for updates on the situation there. We were told that if the electricity was not restored by Monday morning, we couldn't go to work. As we still had our hotel booking, we decided to check in and spend the night there. If the electricity was still down the next day, we would spend the day in Columbia as we planned to do on Saturday. If it was back up again, we would drive back to Florence the next day and go to work as usual. Our friend brought some games, so once we checked in to our room, it was time for a game of Catan. It was a hard fought game and we had loads of fun playing it. By the time we finished the game, it had gone past midnight. At this time, we received news from Florence. The electricity was back up again at the OM Ministry Centre, which meant we had to go to work the next day. At this point, we briefly considered to check out and drive back to Florence again, but soon decided to stay and leave early next morning. We went to bed, the girls in the bedroom and the guys in the living room on the couch and the floor, slightly disappointed as we were looking forward to spending the day in Columbia. The next morning, we woke up at 6.20, had breakfast and were ready to head to Florence by 7 am. Before we left, I made a quick phone call to make a final check, and a last hope of being able to stay in Columbia. It confirmed that the power had indeed been restored in our part of Florence and with that knowledge, we headed back to Florence for just another day at work.
This Sunday in Columbia was probably the best day I had so far. It was not just the football game, but it was a great time together and we had the chance to get to know each other better. Although we had great days out in the weeks before, this was the first time we had the chance to sit down around a table, playing games and eating together and talk with each other. I really feel I made new friends this day and we are already planning future trips. I'm looking forward to them already!
Wednesday, 14 September 2016
I'm in the USA - The first days
As I've been in the USA for 4 days now, I thought it's time that I share some of my experiences with you. I arrived last Thursday after travelling for about 27 hours. The flight was actually not too bad. In fact, I was positively surprised by the legroom I had during my flight from London to Charlotte. The only bit of the journey I didn't enjoy was the last leg from Charlotte to Florence. It was in a small propellor plane and it was very hot inside. What made it worse was that before the flight, the staff made an announcement that the plane needed to be refuelled before we could board the plane. The fuel car came, stood there for 20 minutes and then left without having done anything. I thought that they were going to get another fuel car, but instead we were told the plane was now ready for boarding. Now, I may be overreacting here, but when you say the plane needs refuelling and no fuel goes into the plane, I get a little bit worried. I boarded the plane anyways, hoping that there would be a dial in the cockpit to let the pilot know whether there was enough fuel there. Nothing happened and the plane took off. Apart from the heat, the flight was fine..... until we were approaching Florence. The engine suddenly seemed to lose power and the plane lost speed and altitude. And I was sitting there thinking: Oh no, we're going to crash! I'm going to die! Seriously, I have rarely been this scared. Fortunately, it turned out that this is just how these type of planes land. When I had collected my suitcase, I was picked up by a lady from the OM staff who first took me to a drive through to get me some food. It was good she was there to help me order, because I have no idea what they said. With the salad for example, I picked blue cheese, not because it's my favourite but simply because that was the only one I could understand. I was dropped off at my apartment where I settled myself down and had my dinner before going to bed. Although I was completely shattered, I still woke up just after midnight, which was annoying because I didn't have to be at the office before lunchtime the next day. So I tried, not very successfully, to get back to sleep. This wasn't easy, as I completely misunderstood how the airconditioning worked. I only found out in the morning that dial on the airconditioning is not to regulate how fast the airconditioning is blowing, but what I want the temperature to be.
So, Friday was my first full day in Florence. I had the morning off and went to the office at lunchtime to join the team for lunch and for orientation. I was shown around the building, introduced to the other STEP'ers (that's how the short-termers are called here), and reminded of some of the rules within OM. I then had to do a quick driving test, so I could use the OM cars when I need one (which is pretty much everytime I need to go anywhere, apart from going to OM. In the evening, I joined the other STEP'ers for dinner at a place called Cook Out, where they have burgers and milkshakes in all sorts of weird flavours like peanut butter-banana. We had a really good time there. The burger was okay and my milkshake (cheesecake flavour) was decent. Afterwards, we took a short detour to downtown Florence to see what that was like. Then it was time to go back home and to bed, because the next day would be a busy day.
Saturday morning, at 7 am we left to go to Carowinds, a theme park on the border of North and South Carolina. Yes, it's located in both states and as a result, to ticket fee includes VAT for both North Carolina and South Carolina. This was also the first time I got introduced to some genuine Southern food. On the way to Carowinds, we had breakfast at Bojangles. I had a cajun chicken fillet biscuit. The biscuit is actually not a biscuit but more a scone, but without the jam and cream. I like it! Once we are at the park, we went straight for the big one: Fury 325. Depending on what definition you use for a rollercoaster, this is the tallest, third tallest or 4th tallest collercoaster in the world. To clarify, it is the tallest rollercoaster in the world that has a chain lift hill and runs a complete circuit. Two others are higher, but don't have a chain lift hill but instead or launched and another one is higher but doesn't run a closed circuit. Anyways, with it's 325 ft (or 99 m in SI units) it's properly high. And it's really good fun. The plan was to go on all rollercoasters in the park, and I would have done it if I didn't get sick on one of the rollercoasters we did. I think it was the third one and it was so bad that I had to skip the next 4. The rollercoaster in question was Nighthawk. In this rollercoaster, the seat is tilted backwards, so you lie flat in your back. Then the train is lifted backwards to the top of the hill where the train flips over so you are literally hanging off your seat facing downwards, as if you're flying. Because at several you switch from the hanging off your seat position to lying on your back position and back again, it was very disorientating and I will never go on that one again. Apart from that, we had a great day and it was good to spend time with the other STEP'ers. On our way home, we had dinner at another Southern culinary landmark: Waffle House. It was here that I tried grits for the first time. I didn't like it. The rest of my meal (which was actually a breakfast) was good, especially the waffle.
On Sunday, we went to Church (of course). I went with 3 others to a church called The Church at Sandhurst. It was a good service. The preacher was good and he preached on the importance of relationships for Christians. After church, we went to an all you an eat Chinese place, which here is a bargain. For less than $7 you can go on and stuff your face. In The Netherlands, you have to pay around 25 euros and you only have 2 hours. However, we couldn't really stuff our faces, because we were also invited by our team leader to come to his house for ice cream.
Monday was my first proper day at work. The day starts at 8.30 AM with a prayer meeting and we start working at 9 AM. I'm working in the sorting area. Here the books come in from publishers across the country. These are usually books that haven't been sold. When they come in, a couple of people will sort the books according to the last digit of the ISBN number. Other people will then take the books and sort them by title and then there are people who put them in boxes and label them. That's what I do. Yes, it's pretty much the same job I did for more than 4 years back home. They probably read my application form and must have thought that with my experience, I was the best person for it. Later on, someone will take these boxes and put them in the warehouse and entered into the system so people can order them. We work till 5 PM with an hour long lunch break at 12. After work I invited the other STEP'ers to come over for dinner before heading to the cinema to see Pete's Dragon.
Work on Tuesday was the same as on Monday. During lunch break, we celebrated all the August and September birthdays, which unfortunately includes mine as well. There was a live Skype link with Hans van Baaren, the director of the Florence base, who is currently home in The Netherlands. After work, I went to the gym for some excercise. You may be surprised, but going to the gym is pretty much the only choice you have if you want some excercise. Going for a walk or cycling here is pretty much suicide here. Anyways, it was nice to work out a bit.
Well, that's all for now. Anyways, I almost have to go to work again.
So, Friday was my first full day in Florence. I had the morning off and went to the office at lunchtime to join the team for lunch and for orientation. I was shown around the building, introduced to the other STEP'ers (that's how the short-termers are called here), and reminded of some of the rules within OM. I then had to do a quick driving test, so I could use the OM cars when I need one (which is pretty much everytime I need to go anywhere, apart from going to OM. In the evening, I joined the other STEP'ers for dinner at a place called Cook Out, where they have burgers and milkshakes in all sorts of weird flavours like peanut butter-banana. We had a really good time there. The burger was okay and my milkshake (cheesecake flavour) was decent. Afterwards, we took a short detour to downtown Florence to see what that was like. Then it was time to go back home and to bed, because the next day would be a busy day.
Saturday morning, at 7 am we left to go to Carowinds, a theme park on the border of North and South Carolina. Yes, it's located in both states and as a result, to ticket fee includes VAT for both North Carolina and South Carolina. This was also the first time I got introduced to some genuine Southern food. On the way to Carowinds, we had breakfast at Bojangles. I had a cajun chicken fillet biscuit. The biscuit is actually not a biscuit but more a scone, but without the jam and cream. I like it! Once we are at the park, we went straight for the big one: Fury 325. Depending on what definition you use for a rollercoaster, this is the tallest, third tallest or 4th tallest collercoaster in the world. To clarify, it is the tallest rollercoaster in the world that has a chain lift hill and runs a complete circuit. Two others are higher, but don't have a chain lift hill but instead or launched and another one is higher but doesn't run a closed circuit. Anyways, with it's 325 ft (or 99 m in SI units) it's properly high. And it's really good fun. The plan was to go on all rollercoasters in the park, and I would have done it if I didn't get sick on one of the rollercoasters we did. I think it was the third one and it was so bad that I had to skip the next 4. The rollercoaster in question was Nighthawk. In this rollercoaster, the seat is tilted backwards, so you lie flat in your back. Then the train is lifted backwards to the top of the hill where the train flips over so you are literally hanging off your seat facing downwards, as if you're flying. Because at several you switch from the hanging off your seat position to lying on your back position and back again, it was very disorientating and I will never go on that one again. Apart from that, we had a great day and it was good to spend time with the other STEP'ers. On our way home, we had dinner at another Southern culinary landmark: Waffle House. It was here that I tried grits for the first time. I didn't like it. The rest of my meal (which was actually a breakfast) was good, especially the waffle.
On Sunday, we went to Church (of course). I went with 3 others to a church called The Church at Sandhurst. It was a good service. The preacher was good and he preached on the importance of relationships for Christians. After church, we went to an all you an eat Chinese place, which here is a bargain. For less than $7 you can go on and stuff your face. In The Netherlands, you have to pay around 25 euros and you only have 2 hours. However, we couldn't really stuff our faces, because we were also invited by our team leader to come to his house for ice cream.
Monday was my first proper day at work. The day starts at 8.30 AM with a prayer meeting and we start working at 9 AM. I'm working in the sorting area. Here the books come in from publishers across the country. These are usually books that haven't been sold. When they come in, a couple of people will sort the books according to the last digit of the ISBN number. Other people will then take the books and sort them by title and then there are people who put them in boxes and label them. That's what I do. Yes, it's pretty much the same job I did for more than 4 years back home. They probably read my application form and must have thought that with my experience, I was the best person for it. Later on, someone will take these boxes and put them in the warehouse and entered into the system so people can order them. We work till 5 PM with an hour long lunch break at 12. After work I invited the other STEP'ers to come over for dinner before heading to the cinema to see Pete's Dragon.
Work on Tuesday was the same as on Monday. During lunch break, we celebrated all the August and September birthdays, which unfortunately includes mine as well. There was a live Skype link with Hans van Baaren, the director of the Florence base, who is currently home in The Netherlands. After work, I went to the gym for some excercise. You may be surprised, but going to the gym is pretty much the only choice you have if you want some excercise. Going for a walk or cycling here is pretty much suicide here. Anyways, it was nice to work out a bit.
Well, that's all for now. Anyways, I almost have to go to work again.
Friday, 29 April 2016
Dinner at Wynwood Eindhoven
Yesterday I had dinner at Wynwood, a restaurant in Strijp-S area
in Eindhoven, with the Social Dining Group I joined a few months ago.
I've heard great reviews about it and they have been mentioned as a
candidate for a Michelin star, despite being in business for less
than a year. So this was a place I have wanted to try for a while
now.
When I arrived, there were already 2 others there. We were shown to our table at the back of the restaurant. On the table next to us, there was a somewhat interesting company of one guy accompanied by a group of attractive young ladies, while near our table the new Maserati Quattroporte was on display, while outside a group of people were re-enacting a scene from some Quentin Tarantino film. While we were waiting for the others to arrive, we started with some drinks. When we were all their, a waitress explained the menu to us. They were serving a surprise menu and we could choose between 3 to 9 courses. As the dishes would be small, we were recommend to take more than the minimum of 3 courses. Most of us, including myself, went for 5 courses while 2 of us went for 4 courses. With that settled, it was time to enjoy the dinner.
We started with 2 amuses from the house. One was a mousse of asparagus with herring caviar and mini shrimps. The other amuse was a cracker of Parmesan cheese. I might have eaten it in the wrong order by taking the cracker first, which was so salty that my taste buds were numbed and I didn't really taste anything when I had the asparagus mousse.
After the amuses, it was time for the first course. Before I start, I have to admit that the dishes were quite complex, as one would expect from an establishment at this standard, so I can't guarantee that I've remembered everything correctly when I'm describing the dishes, so I apologise for that in advance. Having said that, let's go.
The first course was tuna in two ways, raw and seared, with different textures of cucumber, a marshmallow of Tom Kha Kai and a courgette flower. Normally, I don't like fish and this is the reason I always go for the surprise menu when I have the chance. Let me explain. I don't like fish because I can't cook it properly. When I cook fish it tastes horribly, and based on that experience, I would never order fish from a menu. But I also know from experience that fish, when cooked properly and able chef, is absolutely delicious. So, when I go for the surprise menu, I can just sit back and enjoy whatever the chef comes up with and so far, it's always been good. The tuna pieces were coated in some crispy stuff, which gave it a nice combination of textures. The different textures of cucumber added a refreshing note to the dish, making it a pleasant combination. A good start to our dinner, I would say.
The second course was a soup of king prawn, with a king prawn dumpling and fennel. Although still nice, I have to say that this was my least favourite dish of the evening. The soup was too strong for my taste and the fennel, which I assume was there to balance it, didn't have the chance to do it's job. The soup was just too overpowering.
The third course was only served to those who had the 5 course option. This was a leg of quail with asparagus and some other interesting stuff which I can't remember now. There were some dots of green stuff and white stuff. Yeah, I know I will need some more practice before I can make a living out of being a restaurant critic. I should probably start paying more attention when the waitress is explaining the dish. But I did remember the most important thing. It was very nice.
At the fourth course, the people who chose the 4 course menu were back in again. This was black grouse with asparagus (yes, it's asparagus season here), a crisp of grouse with red wine sauce and again some interesting blobs on the plate that I don't remember what it is anymore. Once again, it was very tasty. I liked the crispy stuff. I never had grouse before. I looked it up on the internet and it looks like a sort of chicken. I like it very much.
The fifth and final course was the dessert. For me, desserts are the highlight of any dinner. It was various preparations of honey and lime, with several textures of ginger and white chocolate. It was very nice. Normally, when I have dessert at home, it's sweet on sweet, so not very exciting. Here we had the sweet of the honey and white chocolate, with a tanginess of the lime and a slight heat of the ginger, which was an interesting and very nice combination.
With the dessert done, it was the end of our dinner. After a cup of coffee or tea, it was time to say goodbye and to go home. I really enjoyed this evening. The food was delicious and the company was great. The restaurant, although the food was of a very high standard, was very accessible. There's a certain buzz which you wouldn't find in more traditional fine dining establishments. At Wynwood, nobody would blink an eye if you came to dinner in jeans and shirt. What I also liked was the open kitchen, on which I had a good view. It was nice to see how the kitchen was working. It's kind of reassuring to know that your food is actually prepared freshly and not microwaved. All in all, it was a great evening and I can definitely recommend it to everybody. And the prices are very reasonable too. You pay 9 euros per course. In total, I paid 60 euros including drinks, which I think is reasonable at this level.
So, that's it and I'm already looking forward to the next dinner.
When I arrived, there were already 2 others there. We were shown to our table at the back of the restaurant. On the table next to us, there was a somewhat interesting company of one guy accompanied by a group of attractive young ladies, while near our table the new Maserati Quattroporte was on display, while outside a group of people were re-enacting a scene from some Quentin Tarantino film. While we were waiting for the others to arrive, we started with some drinks. When we were all their, a waitress explained the menu to us. They were serving a surprise menu and we could choose between 3 to 9 courses. As the dishes would be small, we were recommend to take more than the minimum of 3 courses. Most of us, including myself, went for 5 courses while 2 of us went for 4 courses. With that settled, it was time to enjoy the dinner.
We started with 2 amuses from the house. One was a mousse of asparagus with herring caviar and mini shrimps. The other amuse was a cracker of Parmesan cheese. I might have eaten it in the wrong order by taking the cracker first, which was so salty that my taste buds were numbed and I didn't really taste anything when I had the asparagus mousse.
After the amuses, it was time for the first course. Before I start, I have to admit that the dishes were quite complex, as one would expect from an establishment at this standard, so I can't guarantee that I've remembered everything correctly when I'm describing the dishes, so I apologise for that in advance. Having said that, let's go.
The first course was tuna in two ways, raw and seared, with different textures of cucumber, a marshmallow of Tom Kha Kai and a courgette flower. Normally, I don't like fish and this is the reason I always go for the surprise menu when I have the chance. Let me explain. I don't like fish because I can't cook it properly. When I cook fish it tastes horribly, and based on that experience, I would never order fish from a menu. But I also know from experience that fish, when cooked properly and able chef, is absolutely delicious. So, when I go for the surprise menu, I can just sit back and enjoy whatever the chef comes up with and so far, it's always been good. The tuna pieces were coated in some crispy stuff, which gave it a nice combination of textures. The different textures of cucumber added a refreshing note to the dish, making it a pleasant combination. A good start to our dinner, I would say.
The second course was a soup of king prawn, with a king prawn dumpling and fennel. Although still nice, I have to say that this was my least favourite dish of the evening. The soup was too strong for my taste and the fennel, which I assume was there to balance it, didn't have the chance to do it's job. The soup was just too overpowering.
The third course was only served to those who had the 5 course option. This was a leg of quail with asparagus and some other interesting stuff which I can't remember now. There were some dots of green stuff and white stuff. Yeah, I know I will need some more practice before I can make a living out of being a restaurant critic. I should probably start paying more attention when the waitress is explaining the dish. But I did remember the most important thing. It was very nice.
At the fourth course, the people who chose the 4 course menu were back in again. This was black grouse with asparagus (yes, it's asparagus season here), a crisp of grouse with red wine sauce and again some interesting blobs on the plate that I don't remember what it is anymore. Once again, it was very tasty. I liked the crispy stuff. I never had grouse before. I looked it up on the internet and it looks like a sort of chicken. I like it very much.
The fifth and final course was the dessert. For me, desserts are the highlight of any dinner. It was various preparations of honey and lime, with several textures of ginger and white chocolate. It was very nice. Normally, when I have dessert at home, it's sweet on sweet, so not very exciting. Here we had the sweet of the honey and white chocolate, with a tanginess of the lime and a slight heat of the ginger, which was an interesting and very nice combination.
With the dessert done, it was the end of our dinner. After a cup of coffee or tea, it was time to say goodbye and to go home. I really enjoyed this evening. The food was delicious and the company was great. The restaurant, although the food was of a very high standard, was very accessible. There's a certain buzz which you wouldn't find in more traditional fine dining establishments. At Wynwood, nobody would blink an eye if you came to dinner in jeans and shirt. What I also liked was the open kitchen, on which I had a good view. It was nice to see how the kitchen was working. It's kind of reassuring to know that your food is actually prepared freshly and not microwaved. All in all, it was a great evening and I can definitely recommend it to everybody. And the prices are very reasonable too. You pay 9 euros per course. In total, I paid 60 euros including drinks, which I think is reasonable at this level.
So, that's it and I'm already looking forward to the next dinner.
Wednesday, 18 November 2015
Goodbye, granny
I had been expecting this phone call for a week now. Last Saturday, I left halfway through the monthly practice of my church's worship team to see my grandma, who was nearing the end of her battle with stomach cancer. I got a call that she was very weak and could go very soon. I went there, spent some time with her to say goodbye and to pray with her. I hung around for a bit and then went home again. I had said goodbye and felt I could let her go now. I was now waiting for the phone call to let me know she's gone.
Fast forward to today. I had just finished work and was at home cooking dinner. I had almost finished cooking, when the phone went again. It was my brother. "You need to come immediately. Granny is about to die. The doctor is here." I finished off cooking, put everything on a plate and in the microwave to keep it warm. Then I got on my bike and rushed to my grandma's place. When I arrived, I went to her bedroom where she was surrounded by her children and grandchildren. I joined them around the bed and took the opportunity to pray for her. 5 minutes later after I arrived, she breathed her last breath and went home to be with Jesus.
It was good to see that she died peacefully and didn't suffer. It is also a great comfort to know that she knows Jesus and trusted in Him for her salvation. I know she is with Him now and enjoying all the good things He has to offer her. I also know that one day, I will join her and sing praises to God with her. In moments like these, it's easy to be sad and mournful and it's appropriate to be sad and mournful. But I'm also thankful. I'm thankful for the 85 years God has given her. I'm thankful for the children she mothered, and her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I am thankful for the 37 years, that she was my grandmother. I am thankful for the good times we shared together, and thankful for what I've learned from the not so good times. There is so much more to be thankful for than there is to be mourning for. Yes, I will be mourning her death, but above all, I will give thanks for, and celebrate her life.
Fast forward to today. I had just finished work and was at home cooking dinner. I had almost finished cooking, when the phone went again. It was my brother. "You need to come immediately. Granny is about to die. The doctor is here." I finished off cooking, put everything on a plate and in the microwave to keep it warm. Then I got on my bike and rushed to my grandma's place. When I arrived, I went to her bedroom where she was surrounded by her children and grandchildren. I joined them around the bed and took the opportunity to pray for her. 5 minutes later after I arrived, she breathed her last breath and went home to be with Jesus.
It was good to see that she died peacefully and didn't suffer. It is also a great comfort to know that she knows Jesus and trusted in Him for her salvation. I know she is with Him now and enjoying all the good things He has to offer her. I also know that one day, I will join her and sing praises to God with her. In moments like these, it's easy to be sad and mournful and it's appropriate to be sad and mournful. But I'm also thankful. I'm thankful for the 85 years God has given her. I'm thankful for the children she mothered, and her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I am thankful for the 37 years, that she was my grandmother. I am thankful for the good times we shared together, and thankful for what I've learned from the not so good times. There is so much more to be thankful for than there is to be mourning for. Yes, I will be mourning her death, but above all, I will give thanks for, and celebrate her life.
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
Canada 2015 - Day 0
I was planning to write this last night, but by the time I finally found the B&B in Toronto, I was so shattered that I couldn't be bothered anymore. So, that's why I'm here, sitting in the lounge of my B&B at 7.20 in the morning.
So, back to yesterday. I've been looking forward to this trip for a few months now. It's my first proper holiday in many years and my first time on this side of the Atlantic. Normally when I go on a trip, I would start packing about 15 minutes before leaving. My reasoning is that everything I haven't packed within 15 minutes is either not necessary or something I could easily buy there. For this trip, I started packing 3 days in advance. That's how excited I was.
So, after having breakfast and a quick check to see if everything was switched off, I left for the bus to the station and from there to Schiphol Airport. Once arrived at the airport, I was told the flight was delayed by 2 hours, and as I arrived at the airport 3 hours before departure as recommended, I was in for a long wait. Finally, aroung 4.30 pm we were ready to board the plane. The flight was pretty uneventful. The most thrilling part was probably trying to eat dinner without spilling it all over the place. The seats were not exactly of the standard I expected for long haul flights. Trust me, you have wider seats and more legroom on Ryanair. Anyways, 8 hours later we arrived in Toronto. While waiting in line at immigration, I could see that the immigration officer in my line was a pleasant man. He was friendly, greeted everybody cheerfully, smiled a lot and had what seemed to be a nice chat with everybody. That was until it was my turn. His cheery smile disappeared and without saying a word, he grabbed my passport, looked intensely at my face and the photo and then started to interrogate me. Where do you come from? What are you here for? Where are you staying? With who are you staying? What is your friend doing for a job? What are you doing for a job? Does your boss know you're here? Are you going back? When? Finally he stamped my passport and said: "Have a good day, sir. Welcome to Canada". I was finally in. From there, it should be an hour before I got to the B&B. I just needed to take a bus into Toronto and another bus from there, followed by a short walk. Easy. Well, not really. First I had to find the bus station at the airport. There were signs pointing me to the buses, but at some point, those signs just disappeared. There were signs for everything else, but not for buses. When I finally found the bus, it got stuck in traffic. It was 9.30 pm on a Tuesday evening an it was as busy as full peak hour traffic in Europe. We literally moved a few feet per minute. When we finally got to the stop where I had to change, the problems weren't over yet. I was waiting there for the next bus to come, but it didn't. The annoying thing about Toronto bus stops is that none of them have a timetable or show which buses run there. What I also didn't know that when you're talking about something like Yonge and Sheppard, it's not just a bus stop but a junction and every bus stop near that junction is referred to that junction. So, while I was patiently waiting at Yonge and Sheppard for my ongoing bus, I was unaware that just around the corner there was another Yonge and Sheppard bus stop and that's the one I needed. When I finally got on that bus, I had good hopes I would be there soon. And I would have been if the driver didn't ignore my stop calls twice and finally stopped two stops after the one I needed. So now I had to trace back two stops, which wasn't that easy. It was dark and I didn't really pay attention in the bus. And I also get the impression that they don't believe in streetname signs here. But finally, at 11.15 pm (my flight landed at 7.00 pm) I finally arrived at my B&B.
So, back to yesterday. I've been looking forward to this trip for a few months now. It's my first proper holiday in many years and my first time on this side of the Atlantic. Normally when I go on a trip, I would start packing about 15 minutes before leaving. My reasoning is that everything I haven't packed within 15 minutes is either not necessary or something I could easily buy there. For this trip, I started packing 3 days in advance. That's how excited I was.
So, after having breakfast and a quick check to see if everything was switched off, I left for the bus to the station and from there to Schiphol Airport. Once arrived at the airport, I was told the flight was delayed by 2 hours, and as I arrived at the airport 3 hours before departure as recommended, I was in for a long wait. Finally, aroung 4.30 pm we were ready to board the plane. The flight was pretty uneventful. The most thrilling part was probably trying to eat dinner without spilling it all over the place. The seats were not exactly of the standard I expected for long haul flights. Trust me, you have wider seats and more legroom on Ryanair. Anyways, 8 hours later we arrived in Toronto. While waiting in line at immigration, I could see that the immigration officer in my line was a pleasant man. He was friendly, greeted everybody cheerfully, smiled a lot and had what seemed to be a nice chat with everybody. That was until it was my turn. His cheery smile disappeared and without saying a word, he grabbed my passport, looked intensely at my face and the photo and then started to interrogate me. Where do you come from? What are you here for? Where are you staying? With who are you staying? What is your friend doing for a job? What are you doing for a job? Does your boss know you're here? Are you going back? When? Finally he stamped my passport and said: "Have a good day, sir. Welcome to Canada". I was finally in. From there, it should be an hour before I got to the B&B. I just needed to take a bus into Toronto and another bus from there, followed by a short walk. Easy. Well, not really. First I had to find the bus station at the airport. There were signs pointing me to the buses, but at some point, those signs just disappeared. There were signs for everything else, but not for buses. When I finally found the bus, it got stuck in traffic. It was 9.30 pm on a Tuesday evening an it was as busy as full peak hour traffic in Europe. We literally moved a few feet per minute. When we finally got to the stop where I had to change, the problems weren't over yet. I was waiting there for the next bus to come, but it didn't. The annoying thing about Toronto bus stops is that none of them have a timetable or show which buses run there. What I also didn't know that when you're talking about something like Yonge and Sheppard, it's not just a bus stop but a junction and every bus stop near that junction is referred to that junction. So, while I was patiently waiting at Yonge and Sheppard for my ongoing bus, I was unaware that just around the corner there was another Yonge and Sheppard bus stop and that's the one I needed. When I finally got on that bus, I had good hopes I would be there soon. And I would have been if the driver didn't ignore my stop calls twice and finally stopped two stops after the one I needed. So now I had to trace back two stops, which wasn't that easy. It was dark and I didn't really pay attention in the bus. And I also get the impression that they don't believe in streetname signs here. But finally, at 11.15 pm (my flight landed at 7.00 pm) I finally arrived at my B&B.
Monday, 14 September 2015
Songwatch: Jesus, I my cross have taken - Indelible Grace (music by Bill Moore)
Time for another instalment in my Songwatch series. As I said in my first post in this series, I'd like to use this opportunity to highlight some of the songs I use in my personal worship time that aren't as widely sung as songs from the usual big names. This time, I'd like to introduce you to a modern rendition of Henry Francis Lyte's "Jesus, I my cross have taken" by Indelible Grace.
Indelible Grace is not so much a label as it is a group of Christian artist who put new tunes to old hymns. I have only in the last few years gained an appreciation for the theological richness of these hymns. What I like about them is that they are biblical and do not shy away from the difficult and painful stuff. 'Jesus, I my cross have taken' is a good example of this.
Jesus, I my cross have taken is a song about the cost of following Jesus, but also about the joy of following Jesus. The first line: "Jesus, I my cross have taken, all to leave and follow Thee" refers to passages such as Luke 9:23, where Jesus says that whoever wants to be His disciple "must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me". Each verse speaks about the cost of discipleship. It speaks about taking up our cross, being despised and left by the world, as Jesus Himself was despised and left. But, it's also a song of hope and joy. The song has 6 verses and each the first 4 verses begin with the cost, which following Jesus involves, but each of these verses end on a high. Take for example the first verse:
"Perish every fond ambition
All I've sought or hoped or known
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own"
I believe this song is really valuable for the Church today. In today's consumerist society, we tend to fix our attention to all the nice bits, but forget the pain it involves. The Church is sadly following suit. It talks about God's love, grace and forgiveness, but it often fails to teach people about sin and the devastating effects of it. It fails to teach that following Jesus means leaving those selfish sins behind and take up our cross and follow Him. That transition from selfish ambition to follow Jesus is hard and painful. But, the joy of following Jesus goes beyond anything.
The final two verses are in my view the highlight of the song. It describes the joy and reward of being a disciple of Jesus:
Verse 5
"Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o'er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee
Think what Father's smiles are thine
Think that Jesus died to win thee
Child of heaven, canst thou repine"
And finally verse 6:
"Haste thee on from grace to glory
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer
Heaven's eternal days before thee
God's own hand shall guide us there
Soon shall close thy earthly mission
Soon shall pass they pilgrim days
Hope shall change to glad fruition
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.
As a final note, this song is a very ambitious prayer. As sinful humans, we are unable to fully live out this prayer. That's why I find verse 5 so encouraging. "Soul, then know they full salvation" and then the second part of the verse: "Think that Jesus died to win thee. Child of heaven, canst thou repine". Jesus died on the cross to win us. We cannot live out this prayer in our own strength, but Jesus already did that in our place and died in our place for failing.
OK, that's enough talk from me. I'm sure you want to hear the song now, so here it is:
Indelible Grace is not so much a label as it is a group of Christian artist who put new tunes to old hymns. I have only in the last few years gained an appreciation for the theological richness of these hymns. What I like about them is that they are biblical and do not shy away from the difficult and painful stuff. 'Jesus, I my cross have taken' is a good example of this.
Jesus, I my cross have taken is a song about the cost of following Jesus, but also about the joy of following Jesus. The first line: "Jesus, I my cross have taken, all to leave and follow Thee" refers to passages such as Luke 9:23, where Jesus says that whoever wants to be His disciple "must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me". Each verse speaks about the cost of discipleship. It speaks about taking up our cross, being despised and left by the world, as Jesus Himself was despised and left. But, it's also a song of hope and joy. The song has 6 verses and each the first 4 verses begin with the cost, which following Jesus involves, but each of these verses end on a high. Take for example the first verse:
"Perish every fond ambition
All I've sought or hoped or known
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own"
I believe this song is really valuable for the Church today. In today's consumerist society, we tend to fix our attention to all the nice bits, but forget the pain it involves. The Church is sadly following suit. It talks about God's love, grace and forgiveness, but it often fails to teach people about sin and the devastating effects of it. It fails to teach that following Jesus means leaving those selfish sins behind and take up our cross and follow Him. That transition from selfish ambition to follow Jesus is hard and painful. But, the joy of following Jesus goes beyond anything.
The final two verses are in my view the highlight of the song. It describes the joy and reward of being a disciple of Jesus:
Verse 5
"Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o'er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee
Think what Father's smiles are thine
Think that Jesus died to win thee
Child of heaven, canst thou repine"
And finally verse 6:
"Haste thee on from grace to glory
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer
Heaven's eternal days before thee
God's own hand shall guide us there
Soon shall close thy earthly mission
Soon shall pass they pilgrim days
Hope shall change to glad fruition
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.
As a final note, this song is a very ambitious prayer. As sinful humans, we are unable to fully live out this prayer. That's why I find verse 5 so encouraging. "Soul, then know they full salvation" and then the second part of the verse: "Think that Jesus died to win thee. Child of heaven, canst thou repine". Jesus died on the cross to win us. We cannot live out this prayer in our own strength, but Jesus already did that in our place and died in our place for failing.
OK, that's enough talk from me. I'm sure you want to hear the song now, so here it is:
Wednesday, 9 September 2015
Songwatch: Shine into our night - Sovereign Grace
As a worship leader at my church, one of the things I like to do is look out for new songs. Of course I follow the usual household names like Chris Tomlin, Tim Hughes, Matt Redman, and big labels like Hillsong, Bethel, Soul Survivor, etc, but I'm also interested in the smaller, less well known labels: Indelible Grace, Red Mountain, Sovereign Grace, Page CXVI and things like that. They don't get as much attention as the larger names, at least not on this side of the Atlantic, but they have some really good stuff that I think is well worth including in our worship repertoire. So, I thought I would use this blog to introduce some of these songs and hopefully people will pick up some of these songs and use them either in their own churches or at home. I know that with an average of about 60 readers, this blog doesn't have the largest of audiences, but hey, you might be worship leader yourself, looking for some new songs to introduce to your church...
This time, I'd like to introduce "Shine into our night" by Sovereign Grace. Sovereign Grace is a name that may not be very well known here, but most of you will know "Before the throne of God above", which also comes from them. I learned this song a couple of months ago during the WorshipGodUK conference in Bath and I have since then used it regularly in my own personal quiet times as a song of confession. The first verse describes our sinful nature before God. It's a confession that we are not what God intended us to be. We are created in the image of God, but that image has been stained by sin:
"We are not what we should be
We haven't sought what we should seek
We've seen your glory Lord, but looked away
Our hearts are bent, our eyes our dim
Our finest works are stained with sin
And emptiness has shadowed all our ways"
The chorus that follows is an awesome prayer for God to shine into that darkness of our sin and let his glory fills our eyes
"Jesus Christ, shine into our night
Drive our dark away till your glory fills our eyes
Jesus Christ, shine into our night
Bind us to your cross, where we find life"
It always amazes me how generous God is in forgiving. Whatever we've done, we can always come back to God. This is what the second verse says:
"Still we often go astray
We chase the world, forget your grace
But You have never failed to bring us back
Reveal the depth of what You've done
The death You died, the victory won
You've made a way for us to know your love"
I find this really comforting, knowing that God never fails to bring me back to Him. As I said, this song has become one of my regulars when I'm spending time with God and especially in the context of confession. I just love the chorus, because it's such a beautiful prayer to ask God to shine into our night.
So, without further ado, here's a youtube clip of that song. Enjoy.
This time, I'd like to introduce "Shine into our night" by Sovereign Grace. Sovereign Grace is a name that may not be very well known here, but most of you will know "Before the throne of God above", which also comes from them. I learned this song a couple of months ago during the WorshipGodUK conference in Bath and I have since then used it regularly in my own personal quiet times as a song of confession. The first verse describes our sinful nature before God. It's a confession that we are not what God intended us to be. We are created in the image of God, but that image has been stained by sin:
"We are not what we should be
We haven't sought what we should seek
We've seen your glory Lord, but looked away
Our hearts are bent, our eyes our dim
Our finest works are stained with sin
And emptiness has shadowed all our ways"
The chorus that follows is an awesome prayer for God to shine into that darkness of our sin and let his glory fills our eyes
"Jesus Christ, shine into our night
Drive our dark away till your glory fills our eyes
Jesus Christ, shine into our night
Bind us to your cross, where we find life"
It always amazes me how generous God is in forgiving. Whatever we've done, we can always come back to God. This is what the second verse says:
"Still we often go astray
We chase the world, forget your grace
But You have never failed to bring us back
Reveal the depth of what You've done
The death You died, the victory won
You've made a way for us to know your love"
I find this really comforting, knowing that God never fails to bring me back to Him. As I said, this song has become one of my regulars when I'm spending time with God and especially in the context of confession. I just love the chorus, because it's such a beautiful prayer to ask God to shine into our night.
So, without further ado, here's a youtube clip of that song. Enjoy.
Monday, 31 August 2015
An amazing time with God.
As I'm writing this, I've just had an amazing time with God. No, it was not at church or with friends and I haven't just come back from some amazing Christian conference. No, it was just me and God in my lounge.
I have to confess something. I'm pretty rubbish when it comes to prayer and Bible reading. I can go through months without actually opening my Bible for private Bible reading. Yes, I will read the Bible when preparing for my youth group or preparing to lead worship in church, but that's all. My prayers are usually limited to "Thank you Lord for this day. Amen" and then go to sleep. It's not that I don't want to, but somehow, something is keeping me from spending time with God.
But tonight, I somehow felt it was time to spend time with God. I wasn't planning on it at all. I was just watching TV. I just finished watching an episode of the Great British Menu and was flipping through some channels to see what was on, when I suddenly got the urge to just turn off the TV and open my Bible and read. I have a Bible in a year schedule, which I printed off at the beginning of the year. I think I got stuck at 6 January, so now I'm just picking it up at 1 September. I started with a simple prayer asking God to open my eyes and ears to His Word and help me understand it and then read it. After reading it, I picked up my guitar and started worshipping. I just went through some songs that remind me of who Jesus is and what He's done for me. I then put my guitar down and starting praying. I wasn't praying for anything in particular. I just wanted to thank God for everything He's done for me and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me. And you know, for the first time in probably years, I really sensed God's presence. I walked around me room praising God, went down on my knees in submission to the King of all kings (something I never do) and lied down on my couch, just enjoying God's presence. After that, I picked up my guitar again and started strumming some random chords and just started to sing the amazing truths about God, how He sent his Son Jesus to die for my sins and rose from the dead. How His peace, that passes all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Jesus. How His grace is enough and that His power is revealed in my weakness.
If it sounds like I'm boasting myself and how spiritual I am, I'm not. I'm boasting about Jesus. I wasn't planning on doing this tonight. If it was up to me, I would have kept on watching TV. I just felt an urge to spend time with God and I'm glad I did. As you've read in my previous blog, I came home from New Wine a bit disappointed, as I haven't felt God there as I hoped. Yes, I know He was there and was at work in me, but I didn't feel Him. I was also reminded that feelings can mislead you. I know for a fact that God loves me and Jesus died on the cross for me. My salvation is completely external from my emotions. It's based on Jesus dying on the cross and His resurrection and my feelings won't change that. But tonight, after spending this time with God, reading the Bible, praying and worshipping, I really feel refreshed.
I've learnt that God does things in his own time. I expected this to happen at New Wine. In my opinion, everything was there to give me an amazing experience of God's love and power. There were loads of people praying for me, but I didn't feel anything. I didn't experience God's presence. But tonight I did. At home, on my own. Just me and God. I think we had a great time together. I'm looking forward to our next appointment. (Just kidding, I'm His child. I don't need an appointment.)
I have to confess something. I'm pretty rubbish when it comes to prayer and Bible reading. I can go through months without actually opening my Bible for private Bible reading. Yes, I will read the Bible when preparing for my youth group or preparing to lead worship in church, but that's all. My prayers are usually limited to "Thank you Lord for this day. Amen" and then go to sleep. It's not that I don't want to, but somehow, something is keeping me from spending time with God.
But tonight, I somehow felt it was time to spend time with God. I wasn't planning on it at all. I was just watching TV. I just finished watching an episode of the Great British Menu and was flipping through some channels to see what was on, when I suddenly got the urge to just turn off the TV and open my Bible and read. I have a Bible in a year schedule, which I printed off at the beginning of the year. I think I got stuck at 6 January, so now I'm just picking it up at 1 September. I started with a simple prayer asking God to open my eyes and ears to His Word and help me understand it and then read it. After reading it, I picked up my guitar and started worshipping. I just went through some songs that remind me of who Jesus is and what He's done for me. I then put my guitar down and starting praying. I wasn't praying for anything in particular. I just wanted to thank God for everything He's done for me and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me. And you know, for the first time in probably years, I really sensed God's presence. I walked around me room praising God, went down on my knees in submission to the King of all kings (something I never do) and lied down on my couch, just enjoying God's presence. After that, I picked up my guitar again and started strumming some random chords and just started to sing the amazing truths about God, how He sent his Son Jesus to die for my sins and rose from the dead. How His peace, that passes all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Jesus. How His grace is enough and that His power is revealed in my weakness.
If it sounds like I'm boasting myself and how spiritual I am, I'm not. I'm boasting about Jesus. I wasn't planning on doing this tonight. If it was up to me, I would have kept on watching TV. I just felt an urge to spend time with God and I'm glad I did. As you've read in my previous blog, I came home from New Wine a bit disappointed, as I haven't felt God there as I hoped. Yes, I know He was there and was at work in me, but I didn't feel Him. I was also reminded that feelings can mislead you. I know for a fact that God loves me and Jesus died on the cross for me. My salvation is completely external from my emotions. It's based on Jesus dying on the cross and His resurrection and my feelings won't change that. But tonight, after spending this time with God, reading the Bible, praying and worshipping, I really feel refreshed.
I've learnt that God does things in his own time. I expected this to happen at New Wine. In my opinion, everything was there to give me an amazing experience of God's love and power. There were loads of people praying for me, but I didn't feel anything. I didn't experience God's presence. But tonight I did. At home, on my own. Just me and God. I think we had a great time together. I'm looking forward to our next appointment. (Just kidding, I'm His child. I don't need an appointment.)
Saturday, 15 August 2015
He will hold me fast
First of all, thank you so much for the comments I've received on my last blog post. They were really encouraging. It's so good to be reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness, and it's something I need to remind myself of day after day. The amazing truth is that my salvation does not depend on how much I'm able to feel God's presence in me. It depends on what Jesus has done on the cross. And no matter how weak my faith may be, however far away I feel He is, one thing is for sure: He will not let me go.
A song that really spoke to me in the past few days, and actually one of my favourite songs at the moment is 'He will hold me fast'. I learnt this song a few months ago at a conference in Bath. It's a modern version of a hymn by Ada R. Habershon from the beginning of the 20th century. This version originates from Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington DC. The words really speak into what I was experiencing last week at New Wine. The first verse is just so reassuring:
"When I fear my faith will fail
Christ will hold me fast
When the tempter would prevail
He will hold me fast
I could never keep my hold
Through life's fearful path
For my love is often cold
He must hold me fast"
Last week, I was really worried my faith was failing, that I could not keep my hold and my love is definitely often cold. But praise God that He will hold me fast. The chorus is simple, but yet so strong:
"He will hold me fast
He will hold me fast
For my Saviour loves me so
He will hold me fast"
And what really spoke to me in the second verse was the second half:
"He'll not let my soul be lost
His promises shall last
Bought by Him at such a cost
He will hold me fast"
Here's a youtube link to the song:
I think it's a real shame it's not that well known around here. I really think this song would be a great addition to any church repertoire and I really believe it speaks into the experience of many Christians. We all have doubts from time to time. We are all fallible human beings who sometimes can wonder whether our faith is real. But then there is the amazing truth that Christ will hold us fast. Praise God!
A song that really spoke to me in the past few days, and actually one of my favourite songs at the moment is 'He will hold me fast'. I learnt this song a few months ago at a conference in Bath. It's a modern version of a hymn by Ada R. Habershon from the beginning of the 20th century. This version originates from Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington DC. The words really speak into what I was experiencing last week at New Wine. The first verse is just so reassuring:
"When I fear my faith will fail
Christ will hold me fast
When the tempter would prevail
He will hold me fast
I could never keep my hold
Through life's fearful path
For my love is often cold
He must hold me fast"
Last week, I was really worried my faith was failing, that I could not keep my hold and my love is definitely often cold. But praise God that He will hold me fast. The chorus is simple, but yet so strong:
"He will hold me fast
He will hold me fast
For my Saviour loves me so
He will hold me fast"
And what really spoke to me in the second verse was the second half:
"He'll not let my soul be lost
His promises shall last
Bought by Him at such a cost
He will hold me fast"
Here's a youtube link to the song:
I think it's a real shame it's not that well known around here. I really think this song would be a great addition to any church repertoire and I really believe it speaks into the experience of many Christians. We all have doubts from time to time. We are all fallible human beings who sometimes can wonder whether our faith is real. But then there is the amazing truth that Christ will hold us fast. Praise God!
Thursday, 13 August 2015
Am I doing something wrong? Thoughts on the New Wine Europe Summer Conference
A day after coming back from the New Wine Europe Summer Conference, it's time to write out my thoughts. So, here we go...
Overall, I had a good time. In enjoyed being part of the youth team, even though I was a bit worried about how it would go. We had a bigger group than last year and a smaller team. The Scottish lads, who were such a big part of the experience for many of the youth weren't there this year. But all in all, in actually went very well. The youth clearly enjoyed the programme and seemed to be engaged and learning from it. One thing I did miss was more time for prayer and worship. Last year, we hardly had anything planned before the conference started, and that meant we often had time left to pray for people. This year, I think we might have overplanned and as we were also responsible for some of the after-programme entertainment in the evening, this meant there was hardly time to pray for people. I remember that when I went to youth camps myself, some of the most valuable times for me were when I could sit down with a leader and talk about stuff and be prayed for. I did offer the people in my group to sit down to chat with them and pray for them, but I didn't get round to speak to all of them.
But, despite that I had a good time at the youth venue, I'm not completely sure I enjoyed my time outside the youth programme. Being the sort of person I am, introverted, weak in social interaction, I found the afternoons, which are free, very difficult to fill, especially since I was alone there. Officially, for the last three years, the conference has also been the TCE church camp, but apart from the first year, this hasn't worked out well. In my view, in order to have a church camp as part of a larger conference, you need to have a base where you can go to at any time if you want to meet people from your own church. A place where you know you are welcome and are not interfering in anything. Two years ago, the Davis family did a really good job. They had a big party tent set up in front of their caravan and that was our base. I could go there any time I and know I was welcome there. I didn't have to fear that I was interfering in some private gathering, because if that was the case, they would be meeting by their own tents. But last year and this year, there hasn't been such a base. Yes, we were still all on the same camp site, but there was no TCE base I could go to. People were gathering near their own tents, so you always have to ask if you can sit with them and that also means that they can say 'no'. So, for most of the time during the afternoon, I was simply sitting in the main tent on my own, pretending to be very busy working on my talk, while in reality I wasn't doing anything. The talk I pretended to be working on was written well before the conference started. I just sat there doing nothing. Sometimes I went to buy a cup of tea, so I had at least some interaction with whoever was there, but for most of the time, that was it. I think one of the disadvantages of being part of the youth programme is that you have a fairly limited exposure of the programme and meet less people than you do in the main programme. I just wished that I was more confident in relating and interacting with people. I find it very difficult to walk up to people and ask them if I can join them, because there is always the chance they say 'no'. The youth at New Wine is a very close group of friends and although I have been working with them for 3 years now, I still don't feel that I can join in their activities in the afternoons, as much as I would love to do so. Somehow, I feel it's not right for me to as a 37 year old to interfere with a bunch of 15 year olds in their free afternoon. At least, last year we had a larger team of leaders and they all joined in with the youth, which made it easier for me to join in as well. This year, everybody on the team was either married or in fact still part of the youth themselves. So yeah, I found it hard this year. Harder than previous years. During the talent show, the mother of one of the girls in my group randomly asked me: Do you miss St John? And then I realised that I did miss him. St John was the youth worship leader and I spent a lot of a time with him during the afternoons. He's a great guy and we have similar interests and I believe similar personalities. But he wasn't there this year because he got married a month ago, which means next time he's at New Wine, he will probably have his wife with him. Anyways, I think I'm dragging on now, so time to move on to what I actually wanted to write about.
New Wine is a charismatic conference and as such, there is a big emphasis on the work of the Holy Spirit, prayer for healing, prophecy, tongues and other manifestations of the Spirit. While I don't have a problem with that, at this years conference, it has made me feel inadequate at times, because I didn't experience all that as much as other people seemed to do. To be honest, I didn't feel I experienced any of it. That made me wonder: Am I really saved? Does God really love me? Why don't I experience that level of peace, grace, love, rest, as others do at the conference. Am I really a Christian or am I just going through the motions and pretend I am one? Just to be clear, I do believe in God. I do believe Jesus is His Son and that He died on the cross for my sins and that He rose from the dead. And I do believe in the Holy Spirit. But for me, it's mostly believing with my brain. I don't feel anything. When I hear someone has given their lives to Christ, I am glad, but it's not that my heart is suddenly filled with joy and that I feel the need to jump around a shout hallelujah. When someone has turned their backs Christ and has stopped being a Christian, I am genuinely sad but I don't feel that deep pain and sorrow that others seem to feel. Does that mean that I'm just pretending to be a Christian and that I'm not really saved? That really terrifies me. During the conference, I have been prayed for several times and have been prophesied over a few times. Every time, they prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill me up and give me with His peace and His love, but you know what? I didn't feel any more filled up or loved than I did before. Nothing seemed to happen. I've seen people laughing, crying, speaking in tongues, prophesying and falling over, while they were being prayed for, but none of that happened to me. One of the people who prayed for me said afterwards that I had an amazing capacity to receive. That couldn't be further from the truth. However much I try to receive God's love, it just doesn't happen. It's as if something is blocking me from really receiving God in my life. At the last session of the worship leaders stream, one guy prophesied over me that I was precious in God's sight, but I didn't feel precious at all. Then the leader of the seminar prophesied over me and said she saw a huge bucket filled with God's love being poured out over me. I guess there must be a huge puddle of God's love on the wooden floor of the main tent after that prayer, because I didn't get any of that. And I believe that God's love is so great that if even only one tiny drop of that huge bucket of God's love would have penetrated in me, I would have known that. I think I simply don't know how to receive the Holy Spirit. People have prayed for me and I have tried, but whatever I try, I don't seem to be able to receive. Of course, I know that nothing is impossible for God. God is not dependent on my ability to receive and He will find a way to break through, but when and how? A conference like New Wine should build me up as a Christian, but I'm afraid this time, it really made my doubt whether I am actually a Christian who is saved by the blood of Christ, despite believing all the right things.
Overall, I had a good time. In enjoyed being part of the youth team, even though I was a bit worried about how it would go. We had a bigger group than last year and a smaller team. The Scottish lads, who were such a big part of the experience for many of the youth weren't there this year. But all in all, in actually went very well. The youth clearly enjoyed the programme and seemed to be engaged and learning from it. One thing I did miss was more time for prayer and worship. Last year, we hardly had anything planned before the conference started, and that meant we often had time left to pray for people. This year, I think we might have overplanned and as we were also responsible for some of the after-programme entertainment in the evening, this meant there was hardly time to pray for people. I remember that when I went to youth camps myself, some of the most valuable times for me were when I could sit down with a leader and talk about stuff and be prayed for. I did offer the people in my group to sit down to chat with them and pray for them, but I didn't get round to speak to all of them.
But, despite that I had a good time at the youth venue, I'm not completely sure I enjoyed my time outside the youth programme. Being the sort of person I am, introverted, weak in social interaction, I found the afternoons, which are free, very difficult to fill, especially since I was alone there. Officially, for the last three years, the conference has also been the TCE church camp, but apart from the first year, this hasn't worked out well. In my view, in order to have a church camp as part of a larger conference, you need to have a base where you can go to at any time if you want to meet people from your own church. A place where you know you are welcome and are not interfering in anything. Two years ago, the Davis family did a really good job. They had a big party tent set up in front of their caravan and that was our base. I could go there any time I and know I was welcome there. I didn't have to fear that I was interfering in some private gathering, because if that was the case, they would be meeting by their own tents. But last year and this year, there hasn't been such a base. Yes, we were still all on the same camp site, but there was no TCE base I could go to. People were gathering near their own tents, so you always have to ask if you can sit with them and that also means that they can say 'no'. So, for most of the time during the afternoon, I was simply sitting in the main tent on my own, pretending to be very busy working on my talk, while in reality I wasn't doing anything. The talk I pretended to be working on was written well before the conference started. I just sat there doing nothing. Sometimes I went to buy a cup of tea, so I had at least some interaction with whoever was there, but for most of the time, that was it. I think one of the disadvantages of being part of the youth programme is that you have a fairly limited exposure of the programme and meet less people than you do in the main programme. I just wished that I was more confident in relating and interacting with people. I find it very difficult to walk up to people and ask them if I can join them, because there is always the chance they say 'no'. The youth at New Wine is a very close group of friends and although I have been working with them for 3 years now, I still don't feel that I can join in their activities in the afternoons, as much as I would love to do so. Somehow, I feel it's not right for me to as a 37 year old to interfere with a bunch of 15 year olds in their free afternoon. At least, last year we had a larger team of leaders and they all joined in with the youth, which made it easier for me to join in as well. This year, everybody on the team was either married or in fact still part of the youth themselves. So yeah, I found it hard this year. Harder than previous years. During the talent show, the mother of one of the girls in my group randomly asked me: Do you miss St John? And then I realised that I did miss him. St John was the youth worship leader and I spent a lot of a time with him during the afternoons. He's a great guy and we have similar interests and I believe similar personalities. But he wasn't there this year because he got married a month ago, which means next time he's at New Wine, he will probably have his wife with him. Anyways, I think I'm dragging on now, so time to move on to what I actually wanted to write about.
New Wine is a charismatic conference and as such, there is a big emphasis on the work of the Holy Spirit, prayer for healing, prophecy, tongues and other manifestations of the Spirit. While I don't have a problem with that, at this years conference, it has made me feel inadequate at times, because I didn't experience all that as much as other people seemed to do. To be honest, I didn't feel I experienced any of it. That made me wonder: Am I really saved? Does God really love me? Why don't I experience that level of peace, grace, love, rest, as others do at the conference. Am I really a Christian or am I just going through the motions and pretend I am one? Just to be clear, I do believe in God. I do believe Jesus is His Son and that He died on the cross for my sins and that He rose from the dead. And I do believe in the Holy Spirit. But for me, it's mostly believing with my brain. I don't feel anything. When I hear someone has given their lives to Christ, I am glad, but it's not that my heart is suddenly filled with joy and that I feel the need to jump around a shout hallelujah. When someone has turned their backs Christ and has stopped being a Christian, I am genuinely sad but I don't feel that deep pain and sorrow that others seem to feel. Does that mean that I'm just pretending to be a Christian and that I'm not really saved? That really terrifies me. During the conference, I have been prayed for several times and have been prophesied over a few times. Every time, they prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill me up and give me with His peace and His love, but you know what? I didn't feel any more filled up or loved than I did before. Nothing seemed to happen. I've seen people laughing, crying, speaking in tongues, prophesying and falling over, while they were being prayed for, but none of that happened to me. One of the people who prayed for me said afterwards that I had an amazing capacity to receive. That couldn't be further from the truth. However much I try to receive God's love, it just doesn't happen. It's as if something is blocking me from really receiving God in my life. At the last session of the worship leaders stream, one guy prophesied over me that I was precious in God's sight, but I didn't feel precious at all. Then the leader of the seminar prophesied over me and said she saw a huge bucket filled with God's love being poured out over me. I guess there must be a huge puddle of God's love on the wooden floor of the main tent after that prayer, because I didn't get any of that. And I believe that God's love is so great that if even only one tiny drop of that huge bucket of God's love would have penetrated in me, I would have known that. I think I simply don't know how to receive the Holy Spirit. People have prayed for me and I have tried, but whatever I try, I don't seem to be able to receive. Of course, I know that nothing is impossible for God. God is not dependent on my ability to receive and He will find a way to break through, but when and how? A conference like New Wine should build me up as a Christian, but I'm afraid this time, it really made my doubt whether I am actually a Christian who is saved by the blood of Christ, despite believing all the right things.
Saturday, 18 July 2015
HelloFresh: A new experiment
I'll start this post by admitting something. I'm pretty much useless when it comes to cooking dinner. My repertoire is limited to pasta with pesto, either with minced beef or chicken, spag bol and pasta carbonara. Apart from that, I can shove a pizza in the oven and I can confidently find my way to a selection of takeaways in my neighbourhood. So, not a very healthy or varied diet by standard. To bring some more variation and healthy stuff in my diet, I decided to try out a foodbox from HelloFresh. The idea is simple: Every week, you get a box with ingredients for 3 or 5 main meals. Each meal comes with a recipe, that is easy to follow and ready within 30 minutes.
This morning, I received my first box and here's what's in it:
Today's dish was a fillet of plaice with potatoes and a salad of green beans. Here is what it is supposed to look like.
After getting all the ingredients out, I started preparing the dish by following the recipe provided. The first step was the bring water to the boil. That part provided no problem whatsoever. While the water was in the kettle, I washed the potatoes, which was also pretty easy. The recipe then told me to cut the potatoes in quarters (although I cut the 2 bigger ones in eight pieces), and to fry them in a covered frying pan for 25 minutes with a sprig of thyme and salt and pepper to taste. This left me with a bit of a problem. Am I supposed to just leave it there for 25 minutes, and probably let it burn, or am I supposed to stir from time to time? Just to be safe, I chose to stir from time to time.
In the meantime, I cut off the ends of the green beans and cooked them in the water I just boiled. Pretty straightforward. Then it was time to prepare the dressing for the salad and a sauce of Turkish yoghurt. The dressing was a mixture of extra virgin olive oil, white wine vinegar, honey, mustard and salt and pepper to taste. The yoghurt sauce was a mixture of Turkish yoghurt, mustard and salt and pepper.
With that done, I had to wait for the potatoes to be cooked as I needed the frying pan for the next step. After the potatoes were ready, I quickly rinsed the frying pan ready for the next step, roasting the sunflower seeds. With that done, it was time for the plaice. This bit didn't go too well. I followed the instructions to the letter. I heated half a tablespoon of olive oil in the pan and gently placed the fillet of plaice in it. I left it there to fry for 2 minutes and then turn in around for another two minutes. At least, that was the plan. Instead, as soon as I placed the fish in the frying pan, it immediately stuck itself to my non-stick frying and remained stuck there. After two minutes, when I was supposed to turn it, it was still stuck. I scraped whatever was left of the fish and tried to cooked that, ending up with something that can best be described as scrambled fish.
With that done, it was time to bring everything together. I finished off the salad by adding a salad mix to the green beans and the dressing. This was put on plate along with the potatoes, the plaice and garnished with the roasted sunflower seeds and the yoghurt sauce. The end result looked like this:
To explain, the green bean salad's on the left and the potatoes on the right. The unidentifiable white blob in the middle is what's left of the plaice. So, how did it taste? To start off with, I don't like fish, unless it's covered in batter, deep fried and served with chips, so this was already a bit of a challenge for my taste buds. The potatoes were pretty okay. The yoghurt sauce was a bit on the sour side for my liking, but still edible. The plaice was pretty much tasteless, as I forgot to season it. The salad was actually pretty good. The dressing gave a good taste to it and the roasted sunflower seeds gave it a bit of crunch, which was nice. All in all it was on okay meal. It probably would have been better if the fish didn't go wrong and I seasoned it properly.
Tomorrow's dish is turkey gyros in Lebanese flatbread with Turkish yoghurt and rettich salad. Sounds pretty okay to me, even though I never had rettich before. So, see you tomorrow for another episode of my experiment.
This morning, I received my first box and here's what's in it:
Today's dish was a fillet of plaice with potatoes and a salad of green beans. Here is what it is supposed to look like.
After getting all the ingredients out, I started preparing the dish by following the recipe provided. The first step was the bring water to the boil. That part provided no problem whatsoever. While the water was in the kettle, I washed the potatoes, which was also pretty easy. The recipe then told me to cut the potatoes in quarters (although I cut the 2 bigger ones in eight pieces), and to fry them in a covered frying pan for 25 minutes with a sprig of thyme and salt and pepper to taste. This left me with a bit of a problem. Am I supposed to just leave it there for 25 minutes, and probably let it burn, or am I supposed to stir from time to time? Just to be safe, I chose to stir from time to time.
In the meantime, I cut off the ends of the green beans and cooked them in the water I just boiled. Pretty straightforward. Then it was time to prepare the dressing for the salad and a sauce of Turkish yoghurt. The dressing was a mixture of extra virgin olive oil, white wine vinegar, honey, mustard and salt and pepper to taste. The yoghurt sauce was a mixture of Turkish yoghurt, mustard and salt and pepper.
With that done, I had to wait for the potatoes to be cooked as I needed the frying pan for the next step. After the potatoes were ready, I quickly rinsed the frying pan ready for the next step, roasting the sunflower seeds. With that done, it was time for the plaice. This bit didn't go too well. I followed the instructions to the letter. I heated half a tablespoon of olive oil in the pan and gently placed the fillet of plaice in it. I left it there to fry for 2 minutes and then turn in around for another two minutes. At least, that was the plan. Instead, as soon as I placed the fish in the frying pan, it immediately stuck itself to my non-stick frying and remained stuck there. After two minutes, when I was supposed to turn it, it was still stuck. I scraped whatever was left of the fish and tried to cooked that, ending up with something that can best be described as scrambled fish.
With that done, it was time to bring everything together. I finished off the salad by adding a salad mix to the green beans and the dressing. This was put on plate along with the potatoes, the plaice and garnished with the roasted sunflower seeds and the yoghurt sauce. The end result looked like this:
To explain, the green bean salad's on the left and the potatoes on the right. The unidentifiable white blob in the middle is what's left of the plaice. So, how did it taste? To start off with, I don't like fish, unless it's covered in batter, deep fried and served with chips, so this was already a bit of a challenge for my taste buds. The potatoes were pretty okay. The yoghurt sauce was a bit on the sour side for my liking, but still edible. The plaice was pretty much tasteless, as I forgot to season it. The salad was actually pretty good. The dressing gave a good taste to it and the roasted sunflower seeds gave it a bit of crunch, which was nice. All in all it was on okay meal. It probably would have been better if the fish didn't go wrong and I seasoned it properly.
Tomorrow's dish is turkey gyros in Lebanese flatbread with Turkish yoghurt and rettich salad. Sounds pretty okay to me, even though I never had rettich before. So, see you tomorrow for another episode of my experiment.
Wednesday, 15 April 2015
What next?
Yesterday I had my first job interview in almost 5 years. And this time, I thought I had a chance. The timing would have been perfect. I'll be graduating on 28 April and three days later, I would start my new job as a freshly graduated master in Theology. Today, I got the phone call: I was no longer being considered for the post. Words I've heard so many times in the past that I actually stopped caring. I didn't feel angry, sad or even disappointed. I didn't feel anything. When I was told that I had been unsuccessful, I just said 'OK'. After a rather awkard silence, she asked me if I wanted to know why. I had given up an asking for feedback a long time ago. The feedback was always the same: Someone else fitted the profile better. Anyways, now she offered to give me some feedback, I felt it would be rude to decline, so I accepted. She said that I met all the requirements for the job and that I was ideally located for the job, but others candidates were stronger in relating to groups of people at an informal level. People who know me know that I'm fine with one to one situations and speaking for large groups. Where I struggle with interaction with a group of people. It takes me so long to work out what I want to say in a group, that the discussion has moved on to the point where what I wanted to say doesn't add anything to the discussion anymore.
Many people have an irrational fear. Something they are so afraid of that it stops them from living their lives in a normal way. Many people are afraid of flying, even though they know it's by far the safest mode of transport. Others will start screaming when they see a spider or a mouse. I even know people who have a fear of buttons. I've always pride myself in having no irrational fears. Okay, I'm not keen on clowns, but they are just creepy. But now I begin to suspect that I might have an irrational fear. A fear that is affecting me so much that it stops me from reaching my potential. It's the fear of being wrong. Yes, I'm terrified of being wrong. That's why I'm not good in interacting in a group. I want to be absolutely, completely, 100%, beyond any doubt, sure that what I have to say is factually, morally, scientifically, etceterally, correct, before I say it. I find it very difficult when people say that I'm wrong. That's also why, and this is something that drives my colleagues at work crazy, I will rarely say something as a statement. When I have something to say, even if it's something I'm 99.9999999% sure about, I will almost always phrase it as a question. At least, when I'm wrong, I can at least hide behind the fact that I didn't make a fool of myself by confidently stating something that's blatantly wrong. But it also means that I can say things like 'so yesterday was Monday, so does that mean today is Tuesday?'. You know, just in case I slept for a very long time and missed a full day.
OK, I'm getting carried away now. Now another door has been closed, where do I go next? When I look around me, with people in my church, what often happens is that they try something, it doesn't work out and something else pops up and that does work out. God closes one door, and opens another door. My colleague was due to go to England for a year to do a course with 24-7 Prayer, when he was told the course had been cancelled. Shortly after that, I received a phone call, completely out of the blue, from a representative of the political party of which he is a member to ask him to stand for the city council elections of Eindhoven. Now he is a member of a key committee of the council and is having influence on what happens in the city. So here, God has clearly closed one door, and opened another one. With me, it feels more like God closes one door and closes the next, and the next. For the past three years, my ambition was to do a PhD and I was confident that it was going to happen. My current job, boring and frustating as it is most of time, did give me the financial means to finally study for an MA degree and meet the formal requirements to start a PhD. Little did I know that by now, universities have invented something called 'Research Masters'. These are usually two-year fulltime courses and it's there where universities usually look when recruiting people for funded PhD positions. I could still do a PhD with a regular MA degree, but it would most likely be as a self-funded external candidate. So, the door to staring my PhD straight after my MA was closed. Then I found a course in Leuven, called the Master of Advanced Studies. This was a post-master degree, especially for people who are aspiring to do academic research. So, I started to make some calculations. In Belgium the tuition fees are only about 600 euros a year, compared to about 1900 euros in The Netherlands. So if I could manage to choose my classes in a way that I can fit the whole programme in 2 days a week, and make sure I fill my car as much as possible in Belgium, I should be able to afford it. I applied and got an offer on the condition that I would pass my current MA degree. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, the writing of my thesis dragged on and on. I missed the deadline for the September 2014 start and then for the February 2015 start. Now I'm finally due to graduate soon, I was looking to apply to start in September, only to find out that they are cancelling the course. Instead, they've introduced a two-year full-time research master. So that door, which was open for a long time, was closed again. Then I saw this vacancy for an IFES student worker, working with international students in Eindhoven. Already living in Eindhoven and part of an international church, I was ideally situated for this job. I had the right qualifications and experience, so I applied for the job, was interviewed and as you know, was unsuccessful. The question remains, what next? The idea of doing my current job for the rest of my life does not exactly fill me with joy. I'm still dreaming of working in a church setting, even becoming a vicar. The IFES job would have been a good way to try things out. I wouldn't be the first IFES worker who ended up church ministry. Now I've missed the mark to be an IFES worker, does that mean that I definitely don't have what it takes to be in church ministry? Or does it just mean that it's not the right route for me?
It's back to square 1 for me now. Next week, I have an informal chat with OM about the possibility of going on a mission with them. Now, I'm not a missionary. The idea of going overseas to tell people about Jesus absolutely terrifies me. But still, because of things happening to me recently, I've started to think that maybe God's plan for me is not to be relying on my self to get what I need, but rather to trust on Him to provide me with what I need. So, that's why I started looking into the possibility of going on mission, even though the prospect of it terrifies me. It's going to be a big step of faith for me, in every aspect. I think I'll just be honest. I'm no good at missionary work, but I might be able to do something to support mission. Perhaps teaching their children, or something like that. Who knows? So far, God's plans for my life have been a complete and utter mystery to me. Maybe I've always been looking in the wrong direction. So, maybe I'll end up somewhere I never thought I would.
To be continued.... at some point.....
Many people have an irrational fear. Something they are so afraid of that it stops them from living their lives in a normal way. Many people are afraid of flying, even though they know it's by far the safest mode of transport. Others will start screaming when they see a spider or a mouse. I even know people who have a fear of buttons. I've always pride myself in having no irrational fears. Okay, I'm not keen on clowns, but they are just creepy. But now I begin to suspect that I might have an irrational fear. A fear that is affecting me so much that it stops me from reaching my potential. It's the fear of being wrong. Yes, I'm terrified of being wrong. That's why I'm not good in interacting in a group. I want to be absolutely, completely, 100%, beyond any doubt, sure that what I have to say is factually, morally, scientifically, etceterally, correct, before I say it. I find it very difficult when people say that I'm wrong. That's also why, and this is something that drives my colleagues at work crazy, I will rarely say something as a statement. When I have something to say, even if it's something I'm 99.9999999% sure about, I will almost always phrase it as a question. At least, when I'm wrong, I can at least hide behind the fact that I didn't make a fool of myself by confidently stating something that's blatantly wrong. But it also means that I can say things like 'so yesterday was Monday, so does that mean today is Tuesday?'. You know, just in case I slept for a very long time and missed a full day.
OK, I'm getting carried away now. Now another door has been closed, where do I go next? When I look around me, with people in my church, what often happens is that they try something, it doesn't work out and something else pops up and that does work out. God closes one door, and opens another door. My colleague was due to go to England for a year to do a course with 24-7 Prayer, when he was told the course had been cancelled. Shortly after that, I received a phone call, completely out of the blue, from a representative of the political party of which he is a member to ask him to stand for the city council elections of Eindhoven. Now he is a member of a key committee of the council and is having influence on what happens in the city. So here, God has clearly closed one door, and opened another one. With me, it feels more like God closes one door and closes the next, and the next. For the past three years, my ambition was to do a PhD and I was confident that it was going to happen. My current job, boring and frustating as it is most of time, did give me the financial means to finally study for an MA degree and meet the formal requirements to start a PhD. Little did I know that by now, universities have invented something called 'Research Masters'. These are usually two-year fulltime courses and it's there where universities usually look when recruiting people for funded PhD positions. I could still do a PhD with a regular MA degree, but it would most likely be as a self-funded external candidate. So, the door to staring my PhD straight after my MA was closed. Then I found a course in Leuven, called the Master of Advanced Studies. This was a post-master degree, especially for people who are aspiring to do academic research. So, I started to make some calculations. In Belgium the tuition fees are only about 600 euros a year, compared to about 1900 euros in The Netherlands. So if I could manage to choose my classes in a way that I can fit the whole programme in 2 days a week, and make sure I fill my car as much as possible in Belgium, I should be able to afford it. I applied and got an offer on the condition that I would pass my current MA degree. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, the writing of my thesis dragged on and on. I missed the deadline for the September 2014 start and then for the February 2015 start. Now I'm finally due to graduate soon, I was looking to apply to start in September, only to find out that they are cancelling the course. Instead, they've introduced a two-year full-time research master. So that door, which was open for a long time, was closed again. Then I saw this vacancy for an IFES student worker, working with international students in Eindhoven. Already living in Eindhoven and part of an international church, I was ideally situated for this job. I had the right qualifications and experience, so I applied for the job, was interviewed and as you know, was unsuccessful. The question remains, what next? The idea of doing my current job for the rest of my life does not exactly fill me with joy. I'm still dreaming of working in a church setting, even becoming a vicar. The IFES job would have been a good way to try things out. I wouldn't be the first IFES worker who ended up church ministry. Now I've missed the mark to be an IFES worker, does that mean that I definitely don't have what it takes to be in church ministry? Or does it just mean that it's not the right route for me?
It's back to square 1 for me now. Next week, I have an informal chat with OM about the possibility of going on a mission with them. Now, I'm not a missionary. The idea of going overseas to tell people about Jesus absolutely terrifies me. But still, because of things happening to me recently, I've started to think that maybe God's plan for me is not to be relying on my self to get what I need, but rather to trust on Him to provide me with what I need. So, that's why I started looking into the possibility of going on mission, even though the prospect of it terrifies me. It's going to be a big step of faith for me, in every aspect. I think I'll just be honest. I'm no good at missionary work, but I might be able to do something to support mission. Perhaps teaching their children, or something like that. Who knows? So far, God's plans for my life have been a complete and utter mystery to me. Maybe I've always been looking in the wrong direction. So, maybe I'll end up somewhere I never thought I would.
To be continued.... at some point.....
Friday, 17 October 2014
Who am I really?
It's been a long while ago since I last blogged and I've thought long about whether I should write this blog. Let me start by saying that this post contains some very personal stuff about my life so if you're not interested, feel free to do something else. Anyways, let me start with explaining what led me to write this.
Last weekend I went to the first two days of a four-day training programma on counselling and inner healing with Lin Button, director of counselling at All Saints' in Woodford Wells. The first day was about what she called the five stepping stones to pastoral growth. It will take too long to mention them all here. Just google Lin Button and stepping stones and I'm sure you'll find them. The stepping stone that struck me most was what Lin Button called the sense of being or the wounds of the mother. It's about our sense of identity and this is related to how our mothers related to us in our early childhood, particularly in the first 3 years of our lives. I don't actually remember anything about those first 3 years, but what I do know is that I was a premature baby and spent the first two weeks in an incubator. As I said, I don't remember anything about that time, but apparently, an incubator is a traumatic experience for any baby at that stage. A baby is deprived from the connection with and the loving touch from the mother he so desperately needs. Such separations between mother and child can have a profound effect on someone's life and leave a sense of emptiness. This is what made me think and look back on my childhood. I feel a lot of emptiness in my life and I needed to explore this. I guess it's now time to get to the personal part.
Let me start by saying that I did not grow up in a broken or abusive family. My parents never divorced and stayed together until my father's death 19 years ago. They were not alcoholics and did not have debts. Materially, I never lacked anything during my childhood. I always had enough food to eat, a home to live in and toys to play with. Despite this, I did not have a happy childhood. As I look back on my childhood, I see that while my material and physical needs where met, my emotional and spiritual needs were not. I grew up in a home where children did not have rights, just duties. It was my duty to be a good son, to obey my parents and do chores. If I didn't meet their expectations, there would be consequences. My parents, even though they are not Christians, seem to have a keen love for Proverbs 13:24. I can say that the rod was used generously on me. This was not because I was a particularly badly behaved child, although of course I was naughty at times, but because my parents had very high expectations and when I didn't meet them, which was pretty much every day, the rod was taken out and I was made to bend over to receive my punishment. And it wasn't just when I was naughty but for anything that wasn't up to their standards, including things like forgetting to close the fridge door. In a healthy relationship between parent and child, there is a balance between affection and discipline. In my childhood, that balance was non-existent. All focus was on the discipline side. I know my parents loved me and they wanted to help me become a good person. The way they did it was by scaring me from doing wrong things. But what they failed to do was giving me the love and affection I needed to thrive in life. I think what the way I was brought up has achieved is that it kept me out of prison but it didn't help me become a contributing member of society. It just kept me out of trouble. I can't remember even one time my parents said to me: 'well done!' I do remember many times they told me 'you're completely useless!'. As a result, I never knew what I was good at but I knew what I wasn't good at. I knew I wasn't good at sports, arts and crafts, drawing, being the son they expected, science, etc. Even now, I still tend to identify myself by what I can't do. I can't find a good job, I can't find a girlfriend, I'm rubbish at anything that involves working with my hands, etc. Now I'm 36, I still feel like I'm a child who desperately needs the cuddles I never had as a child. I still need to be told over and over again by people that they love me and appreciate me. I still need to hear from people when I've done well in something. Often people see my need for affirmation as fishing for compliments, but I'm simply trying to fill the gap my upbringing has left.
This all led me to the question: Who am I really? As most of my friends now, for the last 2.5 years, I've been in a job where I'm deeply unhappy. Maybe it's because my job reminds me so much of my upbringing. Like my parents, my job meets my material needs. I get paid a decent wage which allows me to pay my bills and feed myself. But emotionally, there is nothing that excites me about my job. There is nothing about my job that makes me wake up in the morning and think 'yes! I'm so happy that I can go to work today!'. I just go because I need the money. Like in my childhood, in my job I am mainly judged ny what I do wrong. I'm never told if a customer is pleased with the way I pack the orders, but when I make a mistake, they will tell me about it. So, who am I really? What is my place in life? What is my role in this world? In wordly terms, I have absolutely no idea. I have tried so many things to make a contribution to society, but all have failed. I tried chemistry, teaching, ICT and nothing worked out. Now I'm a theologian and I'm good at it. But I can't find a job that fits. I tried to find a PhD place, but they are hard to come by. I considered and am still keen to go into church ministry, but attempts to get there have led to nothing. Maybe the way I was brought up and as a result the way I am now, make it very difficult for me to take up a position of responsibility in church. Because, if I don't even know what I'm good at, how can I encourage people in my church? So, who am I really?
Of course I know the answer. I'm a beloved child of God. That's a firm fact. It has nothing to do with the way I was brought up. It has nothing to do with what I have achieved in life. It has nothing to do with how I think or feel about myself. It has nothing to do with what others think about me. I am a child of God because He loves me. My identity is not in what I've done and achieved, but in what Jesus has done and achieved on the cross. In wordly terms, I might be a loser and a failure, but in Christ, I'm a child of the King. I know that this is the only truth that matters, but because of the way I was brought up, I still find this very hard to believe and often forget it. So, if you are a Christian, can I ask you to keep reminding me of this amazing truth, please? Thank you.
Last weekend I went to the first two days of a four-day training programma on counselling and inner healing with Lin Button, director of counselling at All Saints' in Woodford Wells. The first day was about what she called the five stepping stones to pastoral growth. It will take too long to mention them all here. Just google Lin Button and stepping stones and I'm sure you'll find them. The stepping stone that struck me most was what Lin Button called the sense of being or the wounds of the mother. It's about our sense of identity and this is related to how our mothers related to us in our early childhood, particularly in the first 3 years of our lives. I don't actually remember anything about those first 3 years, but what I do know is that I was a premature baby and spent the first two weeks in an incubator. As I said, I don't remember anything about that time, but apparently, an incubator is a traumatic experience for any baby at that stage. A baby is deprived from the connection with and the loving touch from the mother he so desperately needs. Such separations between mother and child can have a profound effect on someone's life and leave a sense of emptiness. This is what made me think and look back on my childhood. I feel a lot of emptiness in my life and I needed to explore this. I guess it's now time to get to the personal part.
Let me start by saying that I did not grow up in a broken or abusive family. My parents never divorced and stayed together until my father's death 19 years ago. They were not alcoholics and did not have debts. Materially, I never lacked anything during my childhood. I always had enough food to eat, a home to live in and toys to play with. Despite this, I did not have a happy childhood. As I look back on my childhood, I see that while my material and physical needs where met, my emotional and spiritual needs were not. I grew up in a home where children did not have rights, just duties. It was my duty to be a good son, to obey my parents and do chores. If I didn't meet their expectations, there would be consequences. My parents, even though they are not Christians, seem to have a keen love for Proverbs 13:24. I can say that the rod was used generously on me. This was not because I was a particularly badly behaved child, although of course I was naughty at times, but because my parents had very high expectations and when I didn't meet them, which was pretty much every day, the rod was taken out and I was made to bend over to receive my punishment. And it wasn't just when I was naughty but for anything that wasn't up to their standards, including things like forgetting to close the fridge door. In a healthy relationship between parent and child, there is a balance between affection and discipline. In my childhood, that balance was non-existent. All focus was on the discipline side. I know my parents loved me and they wanted to help me become a good person. The way they did it was by scaring me from doing wrong things. But what they failed to do was giving me the love and affection I needed to thrive in life. I think what the way I was brought up has achieved is that it kept me out of prison but it didn't help me become a contributing member of society. It just kept me out of trouble. I can't remember even one time my parents said to me: 'well done!' I do remember many times they told me 'you're completely useless!'. As a result, I never knew what I was good at but I knew what I wasn't good at. I knew I wasn't good at sports, arts and crafts, drawing, being the son they expected, science, etc. Even now, I still tend to identify myself by what I can't do. I can't find a good job, I can't find a girlfriend, I'm rubbish at anything that involves working with my hands, etc. Now I'm 36, I still feel like I'm a child who desperately needs the cuddles I never had as a child. I still need to be told over and over again by people that they love me and appreciate me. I still need to hear from people when I've done well in something. Often people see my need for affirmation as fishing for compliments, but I'm simply trying to fill the gap my upbringing has left.
This all led me to the question: Who am I really? As most of my friends now, for the last 2.5 years, I've been in a job where I'm deeply unhappy. Maybe it's because my job reminds me so much of my upbringing. Like my parents, my job meets my material needs. I get paid a decent wage which allows me to pay my bills and feed myself. But emotionally, there is nothing that excites me about my job. There is nothing about my job that makes me wake up in the morning and think 'yes! I'm so happy that I can go to work today!'. I just go because I need the money. Like in my childhood, in my job I am mainly judged ny what I do wrong. I'm never told if a customer is pleased with the way I pack the orders, but when I make a mistake, they will tell me about it. So, who am I really? What is my place in life? What is my role in this world? In wordly terms, I have absolutely no idea. I have tried so many things to make a contribution to society, but all have failed. I tried chemistry, teaching, ICT and nothing worked out. Now I'm a theologian and I'm good at it. But I can't find a job that fits. I tried to find a PhD place, but they are hard to come by. I considered and am still keen to go into church ministry, but attempts to get there have led to nothing. Maybe the way I was brought up and as a result the way I am now, make it very difficult for me to take up a position of responsibility in church. Because, if I don't even know what I'm good at, how can I encourage people in my church? So, who am I really?
Of course I know the answer. I'm a beloved child of God. That's a firm fact. It has nothing to do with the way I was brought up. It has nothing to do with what I have achieved in life. It has nothing to do with how I think or feel about myself. It has nothing to do with what others think about me. I am a child of God because He loves me. My identity is not in what I've done and achieved, but in what Jesus has done and achieved on the cross. In wordly terms, I might be a loser and a failure, but in Christ, I'm a child of the King. I know that this is the only truth that matters, but because of the way I was brought up, I still find this very hard to believe and often forget it. So, if you are a Christian, can I ask you to keep reminding me of this amazing truth, please? Thank you.
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!
It's just gone past midnight and it's 1 January 2014. So, I'd like to start this post by wishing you all a great 2014, full of God's blessing. As the fireworks is going off all around me and mobile networks are being tested to their limits, I'd like to look back on 2013 and reflect on how God has blessed me in the past year, and also look forward to the year ahead. So, let's start.
When I look back, I can see that God has blessed me in many ways. Often, it seems, in very trivial ways. In ways you wouldn't see it as a blessing at all, because it's just so normal. I have a place to live, I have food to eat, and that sort of things. I often forgot to thank God for these blessings. But I'd also like to highlight some of the bigger blessings this year.
First, my job. For this first time in my life, I started the year with a job and I finished the year with the same job. I realise that I am very fortunate to have a job, especially with an employer who is so accommodating to allow me to study part-time alongside it. It gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and it gives me sense of dignity. I am no longer living on government help but am earning my money.
Then there is my Church: Trinity Church Eindhoven. I love my church family. I'm so glad to be part of a church, that loves Jesus and is so welcoming to people of all walks of life and all parts of the world. This year, I've joined a new cell group, after being part of the students/young adults cell group for the past couple of years. I felt I've outgrown the students/young adults cell group and needed to join a more general cell group. Now I'm part of a cell group of people between their early 20s and in their 50s, from recent graduates to senior professionals in their fields. It's a real blessing to be part of this group and I really enjoy the meetings. It's also been great making music with the worship team and to work together with the youth ministry. In September, a new youth group for 14-18 year olds started at our church, and I feel privileged that I can help out at their meetings occasionally. I'm really excited about this group and to see these young people grow and mature in their walk with God. I have no doubt that their youthful enthusiasm will be an example for me, as I hope to be able to be an example for them. Of course, I cannot finish this section without mentioning the Armstrongs. The Armstrongs are a family in the church who have been a real blessing to me. They've invited me for Sunday lunch and dinner many times and it's always been a huge blessing to be in their company. I love playing with the kids and after they've gone to bed, to spend time with the adults. So, I'd like to say: Thank you God for this church.
Next: University. I admit, I'm a weird person. I love university. Since I started my MA degree in 2012, I met some great people. One of them is a girl from the UK, who went to Lampeter and had lectures with some of the lecturers I had in Bangor. How cool is that? Anyways, unlike most people, I actually enjoy studying, reading books, doing revision, writing papers, etc. It love to be intellectually challenged and to learn new things. I always look forward to Wednesdays, when I have my lectures. But my lectures are now over. There is just one exam left and then it's time to work on my dissertation.
New Wine Europe. I finally got the chance to go the New Wine Europe this year and joined the youth team. Although it was completely out of my comfort zone, I had a great time there. On the one hand, I was there with my church and stayed with them on a campsite. On the other hand, I was part of the youth team and have met some great people there. It was such a blessing to be part of that team and to serve the teenagers there. I also really enjoyed giving a talk during one of the evenings. Although the talk was well prepared, I was quite nervous about it, especially when I got a very nasty stomach ache during the second night and decided to drive home at 4.30 in the morning to sleep in my own bed. Fortunately, I felt well enough to return to New Wine in the afternoon and didn't have any trouble for the rest of the week. I'm normally not a great speaker, but during the talk, I felt confident and was able to speak clearly throughout. Knowing myself, it can't have been my own achievement. God was there with me, as He was there during the whole week.
Quantock 3. For the past 5 years, with the exception of 2010, I've been helping out as a leader on a CYFA venture at Quantock Lodge in Somerset. It's been an amazing week and again, God has shown himself in great ways. One of the ways in which God was at work was when I was about to leave Reading motorway services on the M4, where I spent the night at the Travelodge, I filled up my car with petrol and found my debit card rejected and none of the cash machines accepting my card. As I was preparing to return to the petrol station to offer my services doing whatever job they would throw at me to pay for the petrol, I suddenly heard my name being called. As I turned around, I saw Karen who lend me money to pay the petrol. Camp itself was a great blessing. It was great to work together with Sam and Warren and the boys in my dorm group. It was great fun to play in the band properly for the first time. It was a great week, in which I've seen people giving their lives to Jesus or renewing their commitment to Him. As it is now, this was the last time I've been to Quantock 3. I now live in The Netherlands and I feel that's where God wants me at this point. I'll miss it, because I got to work with some great people.
So, that was 2013. Now it's time to look forward. What are my hopes and plans for this year? I think 2014 will be a year of changes and new opportunities. I hope to graduate from my masters this summer, so things are likely to change. I hope to do a PhD. I have an interesting topic but need to find funding to pursue it. I'm also considering doing an advanced masters degree in Leuven, Belgium, to gain more specific research skills, which could improve my chances to secure funding. If that fails, I can still look for real job or continue my current job and do my PhD research in my spare time.
Besides that, I have given myself a little project to work on. I want to write a book, primarily for the youth group at my church, in which I will cover issues that they, as Christians, face in their daily lives. I'm planning to write 1 chapter a month for the whole year, so 12 chapters. For now, I only have 2 chapters planned and hope to find inspiration for the remaining 10 chapters. If anyone has any suggestions for issues I can cover, I'm open to good ideas.
I'm planning to go back to New Wine again this summer and to join the youth team. I'm really looking forward to that again and to work with the people again.
In terms of church, I hope to continue what I'm doing now. Playing guitar in the worship team, leading the youth groups and being part of my cell group.
O yeah, before I forget: New year's resolutions. My main resolution is that I want to improve my relationship with God. I want to read the Bible more regularly and consistently and pray more. I also want to live healthier. I've decided to go back to the gym and eat healthier. In my case, this means less meat and more fruit and vegetables. I plan to restrict my meat consumption to no more than 3 times a week. I don't know how I'm going to do that, because I love meat and I don't really like vegetables. So, I need to find some good recipes for vegetarian meals.
Okay, it's 1.41 AM now, so it's probably time to wrap things up here. I'm off to bed and am going to enjoy a lovely lie-in in the morning. So, have a good night everybody and once again, best wishes for the coming year!
When I look back, I can see that God has blessed me in many ways. Often, it seems, in very trivial ways. In ways you wouldn't see it as a blessing at all, because it's just so normal. I have a place to live, I have food to eat, and that sort of things. I often forgot to thank God for these blessings. But I'd also like to highlight some of the bigger blessings this year.
First, my job. For this first time in my life, I started the year with a job and I finished the year with the same job. I realise that I am very fortunate to have a job, especially with an employer who is so accommodating to allow me to study part-time alongside it. It gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and it gives me sense of dignity. I am no longer living on government help but am earning my money.
Then there is my Church: Trinity Church Eindhoven. I love my church family. I'm so glad to be part of a church, that loves Jesus and is so welcoming to people of all walks of life and all parts of the world. This year, I've joined a new cell group, after being part of the students/young adults cell group for the past couple of years. I felt I've outgrown the students/young adults cell group and needed to join a more general cell group. Now I'm part of a cell group of people between their early 20s and in their 50s, from recent graduates to senior professionals in their fields. It's a real blessing to be part of this group and I really enjoy the meetings. It's also been great making music with the worship team and to work together with the youth ministry. In September, a new youth group for 14-18 year olds started at our church, and I feel privileged that I can help out at their meetings occasionally. I'm really excited about this group and to see these young people grow and mature in their walk with God. I have no doubt that their youthful enthusiasm will be an example for me, as I hope to be able to be an example for them. Of course, I cannot finish this section without mentioning the Armstrongs. The Armstrongs are a family in the church who have been a real blessing to me. They've invited me for Sunday lunch and dinner many times and it's always been a huge blessing to be in their company. I love playing with the kids and after they've gone to bed, to spend time with the adults. So, I'd like to say: Thank you God for this church.
Next: University. I admit, I'm a weird person. I love university. Since I started my MA degree in 2012, I met some great people. One of them is a girl from the UK, who went to Lampeter and had lectures with some of the lecturers I had in Bangor. How cool is that? Anyways, unlike most people, I actually enjoy studying, reading books, doing revision, writing papers, etc. It love to be intellectually challenged and to learn new things. I always look forward to Wednesdays, when I have my lectures. But my lectures are now over. There is just one exam left and then it's time to work on my dissertation.
New Wine Europe. I finally got the chance to go the New Wine Europe this year and joined the youth team. Although it was completely out of my comfort zone, I had a great time there. On the one hand, I was there with my church and stayed with them on a campsite. On the other hand, I was part of the youth team and have met some great people there. It was such a blessing to be part of that team and to serve the teenagers there. I also really enjoyed giving a talk during one of the evenings. Although the talk was well prepared, I was quite nervous about it, especially when I got a very nasty stomach ache during the second night and decided to drive home at 4.30 in the morning to sleep in my own bed. Fortunately, I felt well enough to return to New Wine in the afternoon and didn't have any trouble for the rest of the week. I'm normally not a great speaker, but during the talk, I felt confident and was able to speak clearly throughout. Knowing myself, it can't have been my own achievement. God was there with me, as He was there during the whole week.
Quantock 3. For the past 5 years, with the exception of 2010, I've been helping out as a leader on a CYFA venture at Quantock Lodge in Somerset. It's been an amazing week and again, God has shown himself in great ways. One of the ways in which God was at work was when I was about to leave Reading motorway services on the M4, where I spent the night at the Travelodge, I filled up my car with petrol and found my debit card rejected and none of the cash machines accepting my card. As I was preparing to return to the petrol station to offer my services doing whatever job they would throw at me to pay for the petrol, I suddenly heard my name being called. As I turned around, I saw Karen who lend me money to pay the petrol. Camp itself was a great blessing. It was great to work together with Sam and Warren and the boys in my dorm group. It was great fun to play in the band properly for the first time. It was a great week, in which I've seen people giving their lives to Jesus or renewing their commitment to Him. As it is now, this was the last time I've been to Quantock 3. I now live in The Netherlands and I feel that's where God wants me at this point. I'll miss it, because I got to work with some great people.
So, that was 2013. Now it's time to look forward. What are my hopes and plans for this year? I think 2014 will be a year of changes and new opportunities. I hope to graduate from my masters this summer, so things are likely to change. I hope to do a PhD. I have an interesting topic but need to find funding to pursue it. I'm also considering doing an advanced masters degree in Leuven, Belgium, to gain more specific research skills, which could improve my chances to secure funding. If that fails, I can still look for real job or continue my current job and do my PhD research in my spare time.
Besides that, I have given myself a little project to work on. I want to write a book, primarily for the youth group at my church, in which I will cover issues that they, as Christians, face in their daily lives. I'm planning to write 1 chapter a month for the whole year, so 12 chapters. For now, I only have 2 chapters planned and hope to find inspiration for the remaining 10 chapters. If anyone has any suggestions for issues I can cover, I'm open to good ideas.
I'm planning to go back to New Wine again this summer and to join the youth team. I'm really looking forward to that again and to work with the people again.
In terms of church, I hope to continue what I'm doing now. Playing guitar in the worship team, leading the youth groups and being part of my cell group.
O yeah, before I forget: New year's resolutions. My main resolution is that I want to improve my relationship with God. I want to read the Bible more regularly and consistently and pray more. I also want to live healthier. I've decided to go back to the gym and eat healthier. In my case, this means less meat and more fruit and vegetables. I plan to restrict my meat consumption to no more than 3 times a week. I don't know how I'm going to do that, because I love meat and I don't really like vegetables. So, I need to find some good recipes for vegetarian meals.
Okay, it's 1.41 AM now, so it's probably time to wrap things up here. I'm off to bed and am going to enjoy a lovely lie-in in the morning. So, have a good night everybody and once again, best wishes for the coming year!
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